I’ve seen people bring their animal companions with them wherever they go. Even Sylarne’s silver tabby never leaves his side, no matter what danger we’re walking into, let alone powerful animals like bears and panthers and even worgs like Foo. All of those animals accompany their masters into battle without hestitation, and I had brought Temper into mountain depths and haunted castles with me.

But I did not want to bring him to the Outlands. I just did not.  I have spoiled him. He is fat and cranky and lacking one thing that I consider most animals have in abundance: preservation instinct and good sense. I sat him down and explained to him he could not come with me. He began to hiss and spit and lash his wings around, but I put my foot down. He was not coming with me.

It is very hard to detatch an angry windserpent from your backpack. I almost left him there for the entire flight, thinking well, he would fall from the wyvern and into the Barrens and if the fall did not kill him, he would  have to learn to live in the wild. Perhaps he would even find a mate, and become a contributing member of whatever society windserpents have. I considered that for as long as it took him to clamber his way inside my backpack again.

I scolded him on the Zeppelin ride. Sadly, and typically, he was not impressed.

The Swamp of Sorrows was heavy with the threat of storm. It’s odd to me how a place as dry and barren as the Blasted Land can butt up against a place as thick and wet as the Swamp, but it does tend to make the weather volatile.  Not that I was going to be in the Swamp long. My knees trembled slightly at the thought. What I was heading into. Where we were going.

Sylarne was waiting for me, the uneasiness in his eyes and voice apparent. He felt the weight of it, like I did. Our destination loomed.

“It’s nearly time, now that you’re here. Do you have what you need, Nenuial?”

“Yes, everything I think I’ll need… for now, anyway. We’re coming back, aren’t we?”  It was a joke, but a somewhat feeble one. I could not help but wonder if I would be regretting the words by the end of the day.

Sylarne nodded and looked down at his hearthstone. I could not help noticing how tightly the skin was drawn over his knuckles. “I suppose we should ask how these things will work when we arrive.”

“Hopefully the same as always…” a flutter of nerves danced through my belly. What if they didn’t?

He reached for my hand with his free one, threading his fingers in mine. I squeezed, and he squeezed back. “We’ll make our way back when we need to. And face anything in time.”

I nodded. “And we’ll be in there together. Ready?”

He looked over to the gates. “As I can be. More than normally, with you here.”

We whistled up our mounts and headed out of the Swamp.

The Blasted Lands disturb me. Maybe they would have even before I was blessed by the Light, but the pulsing fel-energy that seethes beneath the sands here makes my skin tingle and my head ache. The constant bolts of searing blue from the cloudless sky do not help the uneasiness, nor the tainted animals that roam madly about, tongues lolling and fur matted.

They have built a war-camp down a the foot of the Portal. I was surprised to see how empty it was. I would have thought there would be a standing army here, a last-ditch stand to make if the demons broke through. Instead, there are only a few soldiers, crates and boxes of supplies… and a map.

I looked it it. It hardly seemed real. It seemed a map of an island, not a world. And if rumors were true, the sea it floated in was not made of water, but only the void.

I knelt down next to my fractious pet.

“Stay. It’s going to be awful in there.”

His angry button-eyes glared up at me. Fearless. No sense, no preservation… but no fear, either. Little creature, I wish I could be as brave and foolhardy as you are. I wish that the battles I’ve fought had tempered a fearlessness into me, but they only remind me how close we all are to destruction.

I tucked him back into my pack.

Sylarne and I walked slowly up the enormous stone ramp to stand in front of the swirling portal. The energies pulsing in and out from it like a heartbeat take the breath away.

“There’s… nothing there but stars,” I said quietly, reaching for his hand again, feeling dizzy and disoriented. “I feel… so small.”

“That would likely be preferable to what is actually there,” he told me.

“Another leap of faith, then.”

His grip on my hand tightened. “Wherever it goes, we will reach the other end together.”

I nodded, my mouth dry and my eyes burning. We stepped through.

It took a long moment. It felt as though my mind and body and spirit were being separated, then smashed back together. I felt infused by turns with Light and fel and a searching nothingness. And when my eyes opened again… we were standing on the doorstep of another world.

“Light…”

“The sky…”

“The hills…”

“Things are… floating. This place feels so…”

“The Legion built this.”

Sylarne turned his head, peering upward at the massive stone edifice. “I believe it is safe to say we have arrived.”

I nodded, trying to clear my head. “And with ground beneath our feet… so we may as well walk.”

“And join the other souls here in driving the Legion back, once again.”

A few steps forward and we could see what we had to face. My heart hammered beneath my breastplate, and without meaning to I felt myself drawing out my sword and shield, readying a blessing on my lips. “They’re right up on us!”

“They crossed the Portal. Holding the line seems a smaller concern at this point than cutting their reinforcements.”

We made our way to the captain there, who sent us on to Thallmar instead of sending us against the demons cavorting at the foot of the stairs. Not ready for such a battle, I suppose. I could not help but be relieved… I certainly didn’t feel ready to take on something the size of the Ogrimmar flight tower.

Flying over the broken landscape… seeing pieces of the world slowly spinning, held up over empty space by nothing at all, my stomach churned. This place is broken, devastated. And yet I hear tales of cities, people moving from Azeroth to the Outlands, beings of Light, armies marching against the Legion strongholds… how can anything live in this place? Anything that is not fel-tainted beyond redemption, anyway?

They set us to killing orcs. Of a sort. Fel-tainted, with spines and red skin and glowing eyes, shockingly similar to the demonic boars that roam here as they do in the Blasted Lands. Some of them became enraged as they were hurt… and began to melt, to come apart, as though their anger caused the fel within them to strengthen beyond their ability to hold it.

A crashing sound and a shaking of the earth made me turn… and then stare. An enormous robot, like the ones in Gnomeregon, but bigger than a devilsaur strode past. Each foot deliberately placed,  crushing an enormous swatch of dust and dirt and… anything else in its way. It made its way elsewhere without seeming to notice us.

It was when we were in Felspark Ravine fighting demons that I saw it again. I was up on a ledge, fighting something that looked like a Nazrathiem, and Sylarne was up and away, matching himself against an infernal, when the metallic shriek came to my ears and the ground shook again. The demon before me fell, but I hardly saw it. I could only stare at the path of the giant machine. It was heading straight for Sylarne where he still fought the infernal.

I screamed his name and leapt down. It seemed the sort of running that happens in nightmares; I could not move fast enough. There was no way I would reach his side before the monster did. It was going to crush him. I wouldn’t even be close enough to give my lifeforce to shield him… it was going to smash him into the dirt, crush him to jelly, leave me kneeling before his gore-strewn corpse.

He heard my scream and backed up, bringing the mindless Infernal with him, out of the path of the giant… only just. It seemed almost to pause, to consider changing its course to chase the insects at its feet… and then moved on with that same deliberate, crushing gait. The Infernal fell; I reached Sylarne and threw myself at him, heedless to the clanking of plate against plate.

“I thought that thing was going to step on you!”

“The thought crossed my mind,” he said quietly, his hand rising to stroke my hair.

I was shaking, hard, as I drew back to look at him as directly as I could, fighting to keep my voice and gaze steady. “You mustn’t do that to me.”

He nodded seriously. “I will do what is in my power to prevent it, Nenuial.”

I could not stop seeing it in my mind. How close it had been. The image of him laid out across the red sand. So close to ‘Rima, oh Light, too close. “Can we… do the canons tommorrow?”

Light, I should be braver, I should be better, but it was so close, and he is all that I have.

“Enough for one night, do you mean?”

I nodded, swallowing past my shame. “That… robot coming after you frightened me. Can we go home for the night?”

Home, and away from here, where you will be safe. I couldn’t have protected you, I couldn’t have reached you, what is my shield worth if it cannot shelter you?

He brushed his fingers across my cheek and nodded. “We’ll rinse the red dust of this world off and rest for the evening.” That steady, even gaze. He will come here as he came to the Plaguelands… brave and steadfast, and I will go with him, but unlike him, I will be afraid.

“I’m sorry. I should be braver than this.”

He smiled at me. “You are brave enough. We will face all of this as we go. It’s a lot to take in. But in the end, you are brave enough.”  He pressed a kiss to my hair and I closed my eyes.

Not brave enough, not yet. Brave enough to stand against the charge of demons and fel-tainted orcs… but not brave enough to face the shadow of losing you, Sylarne.

“Let’s go home.”

Everything that I didn’t need immediately was in a pack or bound in leather for easy carrying. The baking supplies, spices, cooking oil and rendered fat all lined up inside a large leather satchel; my clothing was in another; my tools and armor were in another. The practice weapons and my swords were still out, as was the sleeping pallet and cooking setup over the fire, but I supposed I could pack them fairly quickly when the time came.

I looked over at the water jar. Almost empty. I sighed, picked it up with one hand and the windserpent with the other, then headed for the river to refill it. Temper loved going out of the cave – I supposed he’d be happier when we were living somewhere more open. And there seemed to be something oddly synchronistic about moving to a place called Sun Rock.

I filled the jar and then walked back to the cave with it balanced on my hip. I started when Temper gave a piercing screech and jumped off of my shoulder, and almost dropped the jar. I clutched it with both hands, slopping water down one sleeve as the little serpent flapped across the room, whistling happily and heading for…

“Hakka… hello,” I said, blinking in surprise.

She was sitting on one of the log-seats behind the fire, and only glanced up at me before grinning at Temper, lifing her arms from her lap to give him a place to climb up. Then she looked expectantly up… past me, to the hide flap. She wait, then looked disappointed. “… Er… guess Uzil’s away then. You two… going somewhere?”

Temper happily clambered up into Hakkajin’s lap and then stood on his tail, fluffing his feathers and looking up at her with demanding expectancy. Her hand slipped into one of the bags around her waist and tossed a little piece of jerky up in the air which the serpent snapped up before it hit the ground.

“Yes, Uzil out… talking to people, not know who. Say some Sin’dorei living in Horde now, some cities. Seeing if safe for me to come live in Horde. Want to move to place called Sun Rock? Other elf there, he say.” I carefully set down the jar of water and covered it. “Glad you come, have Winter Veil present, and say thank-you for vest,” I said, smiling and plucking a long strip of hardened leather off of the back shelf.

“Sorry… not can wrap, no paper,” I added apologetically, handing Hakkajin a leather sword-sheath, with her name set into it with polished river stones. “Uzil tell me how to spell name in Troll.”

Hakka quickly scowled at me as I turned to retrieve the present. “Yeah. Fucking elves are all over the place.” Her scowl transformed into a seething glare. “There’s even a fucking elf in the damn war quarter! The hall of legends! I’m leaving the Horde if they let them in. I’m not sharing a city with damn elves!” It was… odd, discomforting, that she would rant that way to me about elves. Did she forget that I was one? The angry look suddenly sagged in confusion as I held the sheathe out to her. She looked at it with what seemed to be genuine pleasure and admiration. “Ohh… thanks. It’s very pretty. But I don’t think I’d want to use this for actual swords… it may damage it.”

I forced my smile to stay put, remembering Uzil telling me how unstable Hakkajin was. Well, I should have known that. “It… meant to use. My people make decorations on all things, not just for use but also to enjoy. I… Hakkajin, you think all Horde think that way? Not be in Horde with elves?”

“Maybe when I get a real nice sword I’ll use it.” She gave me a confused look. “Huh? Well yeah, there’s a lot, but there’s also the idiots who think that it’s a great idea.” She suddenly blinked at me, her eyes clearing of confusion and instead holding… regret? Embarassment? Had she honestly somehow forgotten she was talking to an elf with such venom? “Er… right… well… I say let some go first as test subjects, see what happens. But I still don’t want to be in the Horde with them.”

“Some elves already move in,” I pointed out. “Wonder if they are scouts, or have papers, or ambassador… not know. Uzil finding out. You know Sun Rock? Nice place?” I put another log gently on the fire, hoping the change of subject would lead to something less painful.

Hakkajin relaxed slightly. “Well. Its pretty I guess… But… The alliance enjoy running that place through rather often. Its an out of the way place and an easy target. There’s also a nest of Night elves at the top of the mountain. I can’t really say it’s a peaceful place, unless you want to find a hidden cliff somewhere to stay.”

I chewed my lip. “Uzil say pretty… and already High Elf living there, but she crazy. Hmm… Moonwell where Night Elves live?”

“They should, knowing them… Why? Does it matter?”

“Moonwell always good to have around,” I shrugged. “Magical energy. Kaldorei not like we have it, but, not hurt them. But, when choice between starving and living…” I shrugged slightly. “Good to know Moonwell close by.”

“So… you’re going to steal the energies from the moonwell? I though stealing was bad. Go get a job to get your moonwell mana. I guess killing the elves to get it counts as a job, ” Hakka taunted with a grin.

“I not kill for it,” I corrected quietly. “I not kill anyone for energy, not ever. Not like them,” I added, almost whispering. “Not even Kaldorei, not for that.”

Hakka frowned, “If you keep those thoughts you won’t last long in the Horde. They ask you to kill things, like those elves up there. You wouldn’t have to kill them, but if you’d want money and stuff. Stop being so noble, damnit.”

“I suppose Horde pay well for killing us in the Lodge, too,” I said quietly, trying not to grit my teeth. “Will kill for defense, for good reasons. But you say, addiction my people’s own fault. Not going to make anyone else suffer for it.”

“I wouldn’t know. I never knew where the lodge was at, although I would have if I had known.” She gave a shrug. “You honestly are going to suffer if you keep those ideals. You’re here helpless being taken care of by some trolls. Is your ideal really worth that? If you refuse to kill things then you’ll have to stay how you are. If you’re happy like that… well… fine… but you’re never going to get far. How do you plan on getting your mana potions anyway? “

I rolled my eyes. “Not pacifist, Hakka. Was in military for twenty years. Killed many, But, not kill for no reason, or only for selfish reason,” I clarified, my smile falling away. “Understand? Death not to amuse me. Kill to defend self, others, friends, family. When at lodge, bought mana potions. Now, Uzil bring. When I out, will probably buy again.” I shrugged. I didn’t mention that I hadn’t really had a pressing need for a mana potion for a while now.

Hakkajin folded her arms firmly over her chest and gave me a rather sulky look. “Well you made it sound like you were some pushover! ‘Ooohhh, I won’t attack the Night elves, waahhh.’” The Troll gave a snort. “I’m bored now…. got food?” She grinned at me hopefully.

I snorted quietly. “You just like Uzil. Always hungry. Growing Trolls, I suppose.” I lifted the lid of my cast-iron oven, which was cold, the coals beneath it long-dead. “Um. Like meat-pie and cold venison? Have lots left, Zugtug come to visit and hardly eat anything, and no pie! You like pie?”

“Yeah. I need a lot of food! See, I’m about to hit my growth spurt and then I’m going to be HUGE!” She grinned hugely, baring her smallish fangs. “I like meat. Most of what I eat is cold anyway. And I like some pie, but I’ll have to taste it first.”

I cut a slice of pie and healed some slices of cold roast venison onto a plate and handed it over. “If want more pie, can have. Just not want to put on too much at once.” It was sort of odd, I reflected, to be sitting here feeding the former girlfriend of the man I was currently sleeping beside, a girlfriend who had once beaten me within an inch of my life. And serving her pie, no less!

Hakka smiled and took the plate. “Thank you. You must really like to cook.” She went for the pie first out of curiosity and lifted it to her mouth to take a nibble. She blinked in surprise at the flavor. “Uh… what’s that other stuff in there?” she asked in between licking the filling out.

“Fruit, honey, fat, berries, um, crust is mostly flour and fat,” I said, shrugging and tossing a scrap of fatty gristle to Temper, who took it and began delightedly ‘killing’ it over and over. “And yes, like to cook… good thing too. Uzil always hungry, especially after fight. All Troll this way?”

She licking out the filling, leaving the empty crust behind. Well, Hakka was even more of a carnivore than Uzil had claimed Zugtug as. She wouldn’t even eat piecrust! Then she mauled into the cold venison, wolfing it down with much more vigor than the pie. She paused halfway through the meat, her mouth full and her eyes oddly sad. “Ey du nu,” she gulped, then swallowed. “I never fed any. We do like our food though.”

“You do. Want more? Want something to wash down? Zugtug bring red wine, still have open bottle. Or, can make tea… err. Maybe you not like it, Tauren tea. Uzil bring it… not have anything else but water though.”

Hakkajin grinned widely “Anything that Zug brings is good stuff! Yeah, I’d love some.”

I poured Hakkajin half a mug of wine and then handed it over, pouring another for myself. “Like Zugtug very much. So polite, very nice man. All orcs have nice manners like him?”

Hakka happily took the mug and started sipping. It was clearly to her liking. “He’s polite when he wants to be. As for other orcs? I guess if they really want to… usually they just spit in your face or whatever.”

I winced. I wondered how to balance the things I was being told… Uzil made everything sound wonderful, but he wanted me in the Horde. Hakkajin made everything sound terrible, and she didn’t. Somewhere in the middle, there was a truth I wasn’t getting told.

“Ah, how long is Uzil going to be gone?”

I shrugged. “Probably until nighttime. Come home, eat, talk, go to bed,” I said, taking another sip of wine and then picking a few scraps of meat off the roast and popping them into my mouth. “Sometimes, stay up a little. Turns into dog now, you see that?”

Hakka nodded her head a little reluctantly, “Yeah, it was neat. Wish I could do that.” She downed another swallow of wine with a comment, “damn I love Zug’s booze. He‘s a great drinking buddy too.”

I nodded, sipping again. “Gentleman. Know to bring red wine with meat. Very polite. Uzil start talking like him,” I added with a giggle. “Start drawing out sounds, very funny.”

“You’re supposed to bring red wine with meat?” Hakkajin blinked. “Oh! How‘d Uzil react to my gift by the way?” She smirked.

“Seem amuse? Or a little…. Not sure how to say. Roll eye. Spider is joke between you two?”

Hakkajin laughed shortly. “Yeah. He’s scared of bugs. I have a large pet spider I used to toss on him. It was hilarious! Tell him I said its for him to sleep with,” she snickered.

I arched a brow. “For him to sleep with?” I didn’t really feel the need to point out to the Troll girl that Uzil hardly needed a stuffed animal to keep him company in bed. “Isn’t that… for children?” I took another drink of wine, my head warm and buzzing pleasantly.

Hakka frowned at me as if I’d voiced my opinion on Uzil’s bed. “Well…yeah, that’s why its funny, plus just picturing him sleeping with a big nasty spider,” she shrugged.

I shrugged back. “Was kind of cute toy. Don’t think he was scared of it. You… used to throw spider he was afraid of on him, when you two were… together?”

“Yeah, I wasn’t hoping for him to be afraid of it. Yeah. His reaction was very funny.” She laughed loudly?

“I thought… you liked him?” I said, shaking my head and taking another drink. “Why you want to upset him? Not want to… be nice?” Maybe it was the wine, but I was more than a little confused.

Hakka frowned at me again. “I do like him… and I wasn’t doing it to- well… I guess it was funny how he got upset over it. I’ve seen him attack the rotting undead like they were nothing, only to see him shriek like a little girl when an itsy bug was tossed on him? You can’t see the humor in that? Besides, I figured it was one of those things you could look back at and laugh. A type of joke, I guess.”

“Do once, then say sorry and tease about later,” I said, nodding slowly. “I understand that, had brother. Used to trick me sometimes. Was sorry after, but thought it was sooo funny at time.” I grinned.

Hakka grinned back at me. “Yeah, exactly like that! I just like to tease people. I don’t do it to be mean. Uzil didn’t like it much, but I know several others found it pretty damn funny too. What did your brother used to do to you?”

I took a larger gulp of wine. “Hid a bee in flower once. Smoked, to stun, then tied little thread to it, hid in roses ‘Rima sent me. He standing near, I bend down to sniff, he cut thread. Bee fly in my face, very angry! Sting me on side of neck. Oromet stop laughing then, help me with bee-sting, but later, he still laugh sometimes.”

A wide grin spread across Hakkajin’s face as I told the story, and then she barked out laughter. “That is one of the best pranks I’ve ever heard of. Well.. I’d say having the bee sting you was a bit harsh, though. I’ve never hurt Uzil when playing around… at least nothing more than a slight bop on the nose or whatever.” She lifted her mug, then lowered it with a dismayed look; it was empty. “Where is he now? Your brother, I mean.”

I grimaced, emptied my mug in a single gulp, refilled it and then offered the bottle to Hakkajin. “Dead. Like rest of family. Scourge destroy city.”

Hakkajin refilled her mug, looking at me with widened eyes. “Ah… sorry. So you really have no one then? Had any friends you left behind… from uh… wherever you came from?”

I shook my head. “None of my unit escape. I only one. Very small family. Go with other remaining Rangers, and some others, to Quel’danil. After I let Troll go, kicked out. No one talk to me, I exile. Traitor. What would Trolls say, someone betray them like that? Not be nice and understanding, I think.”

“Shay? The trolls wouldn’t say anything.. Just… kinda… want to kill you.” Hakka gave a mild shrug. “I think. Mine did anyway. No idea about the Darkspear.”

I blinked at Hakka, taking another sip of wine. “You not Darkspear?”

“Uh? Me? No. Was…. Atal’ai. But now I’m not. You know, because they want to kill me.” The troll gave a tiny hiccup.

“Why? What you do? Let loose elf in cage?” I snickered into my cup at the absurdity.

Hakkajin grinned in amusement. “Surprisingly there were very few elves who attacked us. No, instead I planted bombs all over the place and stabbed our leader a few times.” The girl was still grinning.

I boggled over the rim of my cup. “You… why?”

“Well.. .everyone uh… wanted me to? Supposedly they were evil? Uzil wanted me to… and… I had to choose between them or my ‘friends’, who apparently aren’t who I thought them to be.”

“Uzil… told you to kill your leader? And you did? For Uzil?”

“He didn’t ‘tell’ me to… he jusht said I should leave them. And I wash already engaged, so I knew they would never allow me and him to be together. And, I liked him, sho…” Another sip of wine was taken.

I coughed, my eyes felt like they were staring right out of my head. “You were engaged? Left other man for him, blew up home, killed leader, all for Uzil? Is like story! But… why you fight him then?”

Razz wash never around much anyway… I hadn’t seen him for a really long time.” She blinked her eyes. “Well, it wash more complicated than jusht Uzil, but yeah, he was a major reason. Why I fight what? Uzil?” She sagged, shoulders hunching and face growing sad. “Just… I don’t know… he shaid mean things sometimes. I got mad. He never gave me a chance? Never gave me time? I don’t know. It jusht… wasn’t what we expected, I guess.”

“So, you think, all his fault it go bad? Usually… two sides. But, Uzil thoughtless, too,” I nodded and hiccupped slightly. “Overreact. Put words in mouth. Sorry after, but… hard to change his mind.”

Hakka swayed slightly, staring into her mug. “I don’t know. I think they all wanted to blame it on me. I wasn’t considerate enough? I didn’t share my feelings? Something like that. And then he goesh and kisses Tabi. After fucking a night elf. So yeah, I wanted shome time… and oh look, another elf! I don’t shee what I could have done so bad for that.” She swirled the wine around in her mug.

I jerked slightly, boggling again. “Wait… you still… with him when he find me? Still with him?” I was horrified. That was… that was just wrong!

Hakka squirmed for a moment, eyes darting around the cave, before sighing. “No. I said I wanted some time after what had happened. It hurt. He was sad and told me not to expect him back. Then I… I think I found him and Tabi fishing, so I went to sit near them. He said something about an elf shinging a death song and sleeping with her, so I get mad, he actsh really mean to me… I go and try to kill you,” she shrugged taking another huge drink.

I sighed slightly. Uzil wasn’t a complete bastard. He hadn’t gone behind Hakkajin’s back, just moved… well, awfully quickly. “He is… hasty,” I murmured, draining the last of my wine. “Emotional. Decides things quickly. I mean, very strange man. Gets attached. Afraid of being left. But.. yes, hasty.” I blinked slightly. I was really, really starting to ramble. I reconsidered refilling my mug.

Hakka nodded in full agreement. “Yeah, I thought it was odd that he had got attached to me so quickly… if even at all.” She frowned thoughtfully. “I guessh he got tired of me or something. I dunno.” Her eyed blinked once again and she tilted her head, staring at me. “Weren’t you singing some… death shong… or something when he found you? You were sad, right? When he found me I had been crying… Well… was crying.”

I nodded, though I disliked the question. “Calling my death to me. Uzil come instead. And then he take care of me instead of kill me. He say, sucker for sad girls.” I frowned, looked around, and picked up the unopened bottle of wine. “You still thirsty?” It bothered me, more than a little, to think that this was all about pity on Uzil’s fault. The loneliness was one thing… but not just because I was crying, please.

“I’d agree with that shtatement..maybe jusht girls in general. Drunk onesh, at least,” Hakka muttered with glaring into the mug, then bobbed her head and held her mug out. “Yesh please.” Anyway, why do you elvesh have stupid songs? Can’t you jusht jump off a cliff? I’m not closhe to the ‘spirits,’ in fact I don’t even believe in them. Shamansh just get high off shapta and hallucinate seeing the shpirits!”

I cocked a brow, filling Hakka’s mug and then my own without much thought. “Then where wolf come from? And totem? Also, Uzil say have Bethekk in him, other night when we hunt, and I not see him take anything.” I shivered slightly and took a drink. “Was little scary.”

“Bethekk? Ishn’t that the panther”? She frowned. “What did he do that wash scary?”

“And he, kinda… come on hunt, walk like… shadow. Then, I shoot deer, he pounce on, cut throat, so fast. When we come back here, he pounce on me, like same. But, then back off when I scared. He so much bigger,” I said, wincing slightly and looking into her mug. “Very big. And I not ready to fight him anymore. Had me before could move, afraid he might… you know. Do bad thing to me. But, then he just Uzil again… and then he spirit-dog.”

Hakkajin looked unhappy. “Wish he’d play with me like that. And… Uzil..? No. I don’t think he’d do that… but I didn’t think he’d try to kill me either”. She sighed sadly.

“Not like playing,” I said slowly. “Played like that once, I tease him, say not very good hunter and he pounce me then, it funny, we laughing. But panther thing different. Put black paint on face, give off… different energy, different smell. Maybe Uzil not playing with you because you angry with him so much. Maybe both react too… quick, like bombs, going off at little sparks? He still care for you, want to be friends, but think he hurt you too bad, too much bad between you, not ever forgive.” I sighed and hiccupped. “And, not fair to say he try to kill you. You know he not try, could have done it. You almost kill me, he try to make you leave me alone, you know that.”

“He ‘hurt’ me? Wrong! He shtill ish hurting me! And you weren’t there sho you don’t know! He had every intention of killing me but jusht chickened out at the end because he’sh Uzil and can’t kill girlsh! He’sh Uzil! He’sh a stupid fuck! He can’t pretend like that!”

I glared at her, feeling a coldness settling over me. “Not talk about Uzil like that. This what I talking about. You say sad, you say miss him, but all you are, angry, screaming, look at you, like child. He spare your life, and still all you do spit. And you say this to me, after what you did to me, and still I try to be nice, still you spit and call me stupid and come here and insult him. You wonder why he not play with you anymore? This why. Who would want to play with you, act like this?”

Hakka roared, “HE DESERVESh IT! I missh him because he’sh always with YOU! What else am I supposed to do! Cling to his feet and beg for his attention!? OR! Even better! I might ash well just offer my body to him! THAT’Sh ALL HE EVER CARED ABOUT ANWAY! He never spared my life. He replaced it. After all we had, he found your life more important in the end. WE WERE BEST FUCKING FRIENDSh!! And now I’m what?” Suddenly, he anger evaporated. She dropped the mug and looked past me, eyes glazed before turning completely away to hunker over. Her shoulders were heaving a little.

I shook my head, sighing. “Hakka, look. Listen. See what you doing? When he come to see you, you yell at him. If you want punish him, think he deserve being yelled at, then do that, but don’t yell and then expect him to be with. Want to punish him, or be friends? Must do one or other. He not just want body, Hakka. He miss you. He feel bad, he know he hurt you, he know he do wrong. But you must choose. Forgive him and be friends, or keep punish him and walk away. Choice not his anymore. Just yours.”

Hakka’s words were distorted with both sobs and slurring, “I-I jusht want him to be with me again… not you. I can’t trusht him. I-I can’t be friendsh. I-” Whatever it was that she was about to say got cut off mid-sentence as the Troll suddenly leaping to her feet and sprinted, stumbling, out the flap. The sounds of vomiting followed.

I winced at the sounds, which caused my own gorge to rise. I clapped my hands over my ears and then re-corked the last bottle of wine. No one needed any more of that. I grabbed up a waterskin and wove my own unsteady way to the mouth of the cave, hoping Hakka hadn’t vomited on my firewood.

Hakka was bent over in the grass, her belly against one of the big grey rocks, spewing out wine-reddened chunks of chewed venison.

I grimaced and handed over the waterskin.

Finally, she stopped, took the waterskin and sprayed it into her mouth, swishing the water around, spitting, and then taking another mouthful. “…I think we drunk to much… ugh,” she groaned while sluggishly moving back into the cave, offering the skin back. “I could never hold my alcohol… shorry.”

I nodded. “Should have said, wouldn’t have given so much wine,” I said, as we went back in. “You going to be okay? Keep skin, keep drinking, slow. Will help not have head-pain, sick, tomorrow.”

Hakka stopped near the logs where they had been earlier and peered at me curiously, “So, if I keep drinking water I won’t have a hangover? Is it okay for me to stay a little while and… lay down maybe?”

I reached over and snagged Uzil’s runecloth sleeping mat from where it was rolled against the wall. “Yes, drinking stop that – hangover, that the word? Mostly from drying out, from drinking and then, um, reverse-drinking.” I gestured toward the entrance. “And yes, lie down if need to. I make sure Uzil be quiet when he come home, if you asleep.”

Hakka smiled faintly. “Yes, hangover.” She began prying her armor off with clumsy fingers. “The word is throwing up. Reverse-drinking sounds stupid.” She was wearing hardly anything under her armor, which she kicked carelessly into a pile.

“Um, you cold? Want blanket?” I reached over for one of our folded blankets. “Throwing up? Thank you… not words Uzil teach me yet. Must do best I can to describe word, then I learn, yes?” I felt slightly nettled.

Hakkajin looked down at her top and frowned. “Yeah..a blanket would be good.” She caught the blanket I tossed her and held it up in front of her to shield her lower half as she struggled to remove her pants with half a hand. “Orcish isn’t hard. All you have to do is cough and grunt a lot while pretending to say something.”

I giggled. “That just what I tell Uzil! Still, should know Orcish, language of Horde. Thrall not speak Troll?”

Hakkajin was still captured under the blanket and rolling around. It looked like she was fighting something under there. “Huh? No. Orcs don’t speak Troll because they assume that they’re too good for it I guess. Since they take NO effort in learning our language, I took minimal in theirs. All you really need is to learn to convey ideas, past that I doubt it’d be important unless you want to work with the UoK or something.”

“Who Yewovkay?” I asked.

“Uok? It’s a bunch of orcs and trolls who think they’re better than everyone else. Give classes, write in hugass words… smartasses, basically, who have to have perfection in everything.”

I perked up. “School? Uzil say Horde not have school!”

“He did? Well, we have that.. Mainly just history lessons.” The girl wrapped herself in the blanket, keeping her body from the chin and down covered.

I couldn’t help grinning. “Good! How much for go to school? Anyone go in, or only right class, right connections? When have? Where? Which city it in? More than one? Teach only history, nothing else?”

Hakka’s eyes widened. “Gah..don’t tell me you’re once of those smartasses too,” she replied dryly. “Its free and anyone can go. Once every three weeks is the norm, and its generally on random subjects. They go all over the damn place. Just went to the Caverns of Time with them last week. I was hoping they’d get ate by dragons… but… fucking pansy dragons.”

“Think they let elf go? Elf new to Horde? Who I got to ask? Thrall?” I felt slightly daunted by that, but soon brightened again. “Uzil know?”

“Err… Thrall has nothing to do with it. It’s some troll witch named Saffiy, you’d have to ask her. Some of the ‘professors’ are HIGHLY against the alliance, though. Just stay away from this warlock guy named Teng, he don’t like elves. I think the witch is neutral, however. Uzil may know… he never really seemed interested in that type of stuff though.”

“Saffee?” Il said the name slowly, imprinting it in her memory. “I ask Uzil, maybe write letter. School best way to learn, I not know much about Horde. Not want to be ignorant, need to learn so not make mistakes, see?”

Hakka frowned. “Well… I guess it makes sense. That’s what I did anyway… Just..make sure your first trip isn’t to Tanaris. It’s very unpleasant”. She grunted and shifted to get more comfortable, relaxing her body entirely. The blanket settled below her shoulders.

“Never been anywhere,” I admitted wryly. “Not even know, where Tanaris is. Born in Quel’thalas, never leave until city fall, then come here, stay here, six years. Uzil take me on picnic down to river, Troll ruins… where he say…” I squinted, thinking. “Hillbrad? Other than that, nowhere yet.”

Hakka rubbed her forehead. “That’s.. Well, I was the same way. Lived in some ruins my whole life, but… It’s a little sad that you never got to go somewhere else. At least we had reason to stay locked up. Well, Tanaris is south of all the major Orcish cities on Kalimdor. It’s a big fucking desert.” The Troll nodded slowly. “Hillsbrad? Yeah… not too pleasant a place. You should see Arathi Highlands though, its not to far away form there. Very beautiful.”

I nodded. “Will see all, soon. Never have reason to leave Quel’thalas, before. Everything could want, right there. Beautiful, everything right for us. Why you have reason be locked up? You in cage?”

“Caged? Oh no, I didn’t have reason to be… just as whole… a whole lot of people wanted us dead, she we shut ourselves up to defend ourselves, and I blame my intolerance of alcohol on never having any imported to us.”

I couldn’t help chuckling. “Ahh. You sort of like us, then. We try close ourselves away after war, everyone want to kill us. Still, they come in, break in and try anyway. What you do to be so un-liked?”

“Sounds like us,” she agreed, her groggily. “Us? Well.. We were trying to revive Hakkar back into our world. A lot of tribes and other races didn’t like that idea.”

“You have family still there, or not?”

“No. Mother had been sacrificed, and I have no idea who my father was. I had friends though…”

I felt my eyes widen again. “Sacrificed to… Hakkar? How old you were?”

“… uh… yeah. It was right after I was born. They said she had been a prisoner; some troll who had been part of a tribe who attacked the temple.” She shrugged a little. “Supposedly I have a brother, half brother, or something named Gumby… and that doesn’t really match up, but I take what I can get I guess.”

“Well… not know, not know much about how Troll family work,” I said quietly. “You ever want revenge? For mother?”

Hakka blinked her eyes. “What? No. She never raised me… so she wasn’t really my ‘mother’.”

I blinked back. “But if they not kill her, she would be.”

Hakka squinted her eyes, looking as though she was having some difficulty focusing. “Didn’t the wine make you tired?”

I gave a sudden grin. “You just like Uzil! He always tired, say ‘Nen, come to bed now? Sleep now?’ when I not sleepy at all! You nap, it ok. I wait up for Uzil. Not know *what* he think been happening, he come home and both of us here sleeping!”

Hakka sulkily eyed the fire. “Oh, he’d doubtlessly get happy over the idea for some bizarre reason. The wine didn’t effect you?”

I nodded. “Make dizzy, a little silly, a little sleepy. But I used to wine, drink for long time. Not have any for while, of course, but still know how to drink. Trolls eat, then want to sleep, like puppies,” I said, chuckling fondly. “Uzil a lot like big puppy, lot of time.”

“..sleeping after eating is what a lot of things do.”

“Ghost dog perfect for him,” I said, smiling, then turned to fish my Winter’s Veil project out of the bag behind me. “Go ahead and nap, have thing to get done, anyway.”

“Hey, serpent thing want to lay with me?” Hakka asked, perking up a little.

I looked over to where Temper had finished gorging himself on the meat scraps and was currently “sunning” himself on one of the firepit stones, feathers spread and jaw sagging happily. I set down my embroidery. “Temper, want to go sleep with Hakka?” I asked, then picked him up and tossed him gently at Hakka’s blankets.

Temper squawked indignantly, fluttering his wings. He grumped around upon landing and then burrowed against the blankets, clearly annoyed with the loss of warmth from the firepit.

Hakka’s sour and sulky look disappeared when Temper landed on her. She made some soft clicking noises with her mouth and carefully reached out to lift the serpent and slide him under the blanket with her where it was warm.

Temper settled against her, still chirping in annoyance and clacking his fangs smartly. I just smiled and went back to sewing, hunching close to the fabric to see it and humming quietly under my breath.

The Troll peered up at me, still caressing and soothing the windserpent. “What are you working on?”

“Shirt for Uzil,” I said. “Winter’s Veil. Trying to stitch on pretty flower he give me… not think it quite right, but not make stitching-pictures in long time.” I tugged the yellow thread through, frowned, and then made another few stitches.

“Ah… An actual flower? Or a fake flower?”

“Well, he bring bunch of flowers when he ask if okay Zugtug come dinner….” I lifted my head to nod at the little shelf at the back of the cave, which now bore only the epic off-hand bouquet in its shining yet somehow delicate thorium vase. “But before that, bring little bunch of yellow and red flowers, with pointy petals… mostly dried now, trying to keep nice until finish picture.” I gently reached down to the dark, cool place near my bag of cooking supplies and lifted a sadly wilted and withered bunch of firebloom. “Not ever see flowers like this, still need look at,” I explained, touching the petals gently.

Hakka’s expression was pretty neutral until I lifted the drying bouquet, and a look up upset scrawled across her face before she turned it sharply away. “Firebloom. Found only in hostile environments such as the Blasted Lands and Tanaris,” she said in a mechanical tone.

I set the flowers carefully back down. “Flowers… upsetting?” I looked warily over at Hakkajin. It could be jealousy… or the flowers could have some sort of symbolism I wasn’t aware of, to Trolls. ‘Rima had been able to say a thousand things to me by giving me a bouquet, and I didn’t have the slightest idea what these ‘firebloom’ represented. Maybe passion? That sounded fire-like.

Hakka stiffened and gave a hesitant and unenlightening, “Yes.”

I considered. “If… other Troll see them, be upset? Or… is personal upset?” I probed carefully. If it was a personal matter for Hakkajin, it was probably jealousy and therefore, something to just let lie. If it was more of a taboo… that was something I’d need to make Uzil explain. He was always springing things on me.

The troll chewed on the inside of her mouth before replying grudgingly, “Personal upset.”

I nodded silently and went back to her stitching. No sense in upsetting the girl any further. It bothered me more than a little, the girl’s obvious pain, the fact that Uzil and I were such a mismatched couple, Uzil’s obvious ambivalence when it came to Hakkajin. Part of me felt like I should leave to let the two of them work it out… and part of me felt that decision was in no way mine to make, and trying to force them together through loneliness would be a mistake. Compassion, I tried to remember, doesn’t mean forcing what I thought was best on other people. Either way, it was awkward and painful. I picked at a thread and sighed. Hakkajin echoed the sound.

“Maybe when Uzil come back, you and he should talk,” I said quietly. “Maybe I go take a walk.”

“There’s nothing to talk about,” she snapped.

I shrugged. “If there wasn’t, you not keep coming here, I think,” I said softly.

There was another long, awkward silence. “Maybe I just want to see him and not talk to him,” was her retort.

“Maybe you should decide what you want,” I said, shrugging again. “Hard to know if he can say yes or no, if you not decide.”

“I know what I want. And it isn’t talking to him.” She hunched her shoulders and hid her head underneath the blankets.

I went back to my embroidery.

Uzil stood, exhausted-looking. “Fuck politics. And political maneuvering. All of it. Had to almost gut someone, but got a date and time for a hearing in Thrall’s chamber.” He practically fell against me, sighing heavily. The constant going-out to see people about whether or not we could have a meeting with Thrall seemed to tired him more than any nigh-endless crypt or dragon-infested tower.

I put my arms around his waist and rested my forehead against his shoulder. “Thank you,” I said quietly. He was, after all, suffering all this for my sake. “Uzil, should know, Hakka asleep in cave. Came earlier, talked a while, um, drank too much, now napping with Temper.” I looked up, shrugging helplessly. “Think… don’t know. Hard to say.” She chewed her lip. “But… something need change.”

Uzil blinked dully. “… Change? About to go halfway across the world, live in another city, with former enemies. Lotta change already. What else needs change?” I could see him setting his teeth, warily. I hoped it was wariness for the topic and not that I’d already exhausted him so that he feared I would ask yet another thing.

I took his hand and led him a little further from the hide flap, to the rocks at the entrance of the cave a few feet away. “I know, Uzil,” I said, wincing slightly. “Know everything you do for me. Maybe I not show right, how thankful I am. I know, elf hard to deal with. But… Hakkajin, still love you. Still hurt. And make me feel bad, see how sad, how lonely. Know being lonely, everyone gone and now way to get things back the way they were. Uzil… you are Troll. Just… wonder if maybe, better off I go away for a little bit, you and Hakka… work things out?” I shivered a little, gave him an apologetic smile.

“Not trying to leave you, not want to leave, but worry. Maybe not best thing for you, spending so much time with elf?” I touched his cheek softly and briefly. I… it surprised me, the bolt of pain that shot through me at the idea of him leaving me to go back to Hakka, even as part of me admitted how much easier that would be.

Uzil stared, lips slightly parting as if he’d just been slapped. “But… I…” His eyes wandered as he slowly shut his mouth. “I don’t… understand. You say you…” His face screwed slightly as he stared at a rock nearby, shaking almost imperceptibly. “What… what do you mean?”

I winced at the look on his face. “Don’t know, Uzil. Trying to think of good for everyone, I know being with elf hard for you, difference in life-time, Horde not like elves, many things. You… sure you not want be with Hakkajin? She like you, orphan, not real tribe, and… she say, she left people for you. Left whole life to be with you… I… just feel like… not want to get in way.” I sighed and looked away, across the green hills, not wanting to see Uzil’s face anymore. It made me ache.

Uzil stared at the rock for several moments, before closing his eyes and breathing slowly. Finally, he spoke. “I tried. I really tried, and… and I don’t care like that anymore. She’s a friend. We were close. Things happened, some my fault, some hers, some neither of ours. Now we’re not close. And I just… Can’t force myself to do that anymore.”

“I don’t love her. I don’t know if I did, or didn’t. And I guess if it’d be best for everyone involved I could, but I’d be living a lie, like that. She’s a wonderful person, but we’ve hurt each other too much for me to ever get that close to her again. And I guess she feels different. Maybe I’m a cold asshole, I dunno.” Uzil exhaled heavily, and opened his eyes to stare at the hide.

I tilted my head and looked sidelong up at him. “So… never can forgive, never can… make up, get over what bad is between? No chance of that? Must be very bad,” I reached out to take his hand again, squeezing it slightly. “Not mean to hurt you again, Uzil. Just… very sad, talking to Hakkajin.”

“I know.” Uzil stood, shifting his face to look at my hand. “I want to be her friend. I do. Because she’s similar. But I won’t believe again that she and I belong together. That’s gone.” He let his hand slip from mine, and slumped to the ground, glancing up at my face briefly before twisting his head to the side. “And I’ll take your word that it’s not that you want to leave me. So I don’t know what else to say.”

I slid to the ground across from him, sitting with my knees bent and my arms across them. She studied him, chewing my lip. “Sorry… hurt you again.” I pulled my fingers through her short, blonde hair, frustrated and upset that just when everything had seemed to be going well, Hakkajin had shown up. She’d made me feel bad, and now I made Uzil feel bad… and I couldn’t even be angry with her, because I honestly did pity her. “Cannot… explain… understand… things between you and I, sometimes. Hard to even know, in my head, let alone to speak. Maybe I go for walk, let you… think for a bit. Clutter things up, I think.”

Uzil glanced at her, shot off a quick, “Be careful” through a smile, and returned to staring intently at his feet. I don’t think he wanted me to leave. I didn’t want to leave. But I couldn’t walk back into that cave with him, not with Hakkajin sleeping there.

I stood, stretched, then crouched next to him to press a quick kiss to his cheek. “Always be careful,” I said, nodding. “Temper sleeping with Hakkajin. Go in quietly?” I stroked the edge of his hairline. “I be back soon, not worry. Not want to leave you alone too long, and miss you all day. You need me, back sooner or away longer, say so, okay?” I tapped his forehead softly, inviting him for the first time to mentally contact me without it being life-and-death.

Uzil nodded, and slowly rose, gently pacing to the flap and pushing it aside. He looked in a the the sleeping brush of pink hair and sighed faintly. < I will. Don’t be too long? > Then he went in.

At this point I would like to be able to say that I went for a run over the hills, maybe killed a deer or a wolf, gathered some herbs, bathed in the river, maybe even gone up to those runestones and finally done what I’d been wanting to do for weeks. I wish I could say any of that, but maybe I’m not as good of a person as I thought I was, or as I should be.

Instead of doing any of that, I climbed to the top of the cave. There was rock-cress up here that I’d been saving to gather some time when it was too cold or I was too tired to go running around the Hinterlands, but we were leaving soon. I gathered bunches of the damn greens into my hands, then crouched on the rocks. Listening. I had to hear it.

“Hey, Hakka. What brings you out to this neck of the woods?”

A murmer, broken by a startled shout from Hakka. Temper’s hiss, then something indistinct from Hakkajin… as if something had been stuffed in her mouth. That made me twitch. But then Hakka came again, sounding normal, if awkward. “… uh… hi…. Where’sh Nen?”

“She went out walking. You get enough water and food? Got some bread in my pack, and a few pouches of water. I don’t… wanna say anything yet. Have some water.”

“… So… you walk over here… to stuff water in my face? Didn’t you see the vomit outside? I already drunk way to much. I’m fine. I don’t look that unhealthy, do I?”

“Drink the water or you’ll hate yourself tomorrow. And no, I ‘walk over here’ because I live here. Okay?” A pause, rustling. “Hakka, I heard tell you were living in Durotar lately. This is a hell of a trip.”

“Yeah? Who told you that? I go all over the damn place and just happened to be nearby.”

“Right. Tell me when you’re willing to tell the truth about… hell any-” Uzil stopped himself. “See, this is why… ah hell.”

“Yeah. So how about you go stand on the other side of the room and I’ll- OR better yet, I’ll just leave.”

There was no answer from Uzil for a long time. I could hear the clanking of Hakkajin struggling back into her armor. Poor drunk thing.

“It doesn’t have to be fucking ridiculous like this, Hakka.” His voice was so quiet.

“What are you talking about?”

“All this pride bullshit. I don’t care about it. I want to be friends with you again, Hakka.”

She didn’t answer.

“I want to be friends again. I want both of us to be able to admit that we’re friends. I want you to stop being hurt every time we’re around each other. Myself, don’t care so much about.”

“I’m sorry…but… I can’t help it.” Her voice was both bitter and ashamed. “I’m just going to go now, alright?”

“I’m sorry too. Take care of yourself, Hakka. And thank you. For admitting things, and stuff. Feels good to be trusted. We’re moving to Sun Rock Retreat, soon. We’ll be easy to look up there.”

“Ah… alright.” I could hear her shuffling toward the door, and climbed down, trying not to sigh. Nothing had really changed.

“Don’t be a stranger, heya?”

“..I guess..” I could hear Temper chirping at her, begging. At least there was one inhabitant in our little cave who appreciated Hakka’s company without reservation. “Ah, bye lizard.” She shoved the flap aside, still looking over her shoulder at the begging baby windserpent and not where she was going.

“Why’s she always insist on leaving…” Uzil mumbled.

I stepped back quickly so as not to run into Hakkajin as she came out of the cave. “Oh! Hakkajin. Leaving already?” I clutched my bundles of greens closer, feeling like a horrible fake. “Feeling better, in head? From wine?”

Hakka blinked and looked fairly startled. “Oh… uh… Yeah. I can walk, that’s a good sign, right? Heh.”

I chuckled. “Always good sign. You remember to drink lots today, small sips all day, okay? Otherwise you wake up sick tomorrow.” I glanced at the flap, then back at Hakka. “You… speak with Uzil?”

“Uh… yeah.” She stood stiffly. “Kinda. Not really any point in me staying, though. So.” She shrugged her shoulders.

I nodded slightly. “Maybe for best… you two not get to… to talk much, I take it? Not fight, I hope?”

She shrugged awkwardly again. “No.”

I sighed quietly. “You need to talk, Hakka. Need to work this out. Both hurt, but both still care. Can’t keep on like this… like wearing splinters under clothes. Can never get comfortable until something chang

Hakka’s face screwed up. “Wait… what do you care? If things got ‘fixed’ between us, then you’d be all alone.”

I shook her head. “Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe you and Uzil learn to be friends. Or maybe I friends, and Uzil back with you. I not think Uzil abandon friend so easy, just because he not sleep in bed. I be sorry if that how it go, but… want Uzil to be happy. You and he fight, hurt him, make him sad. Uzil is shield. Uzil not like people he care about hurt. You know him longer, you not know this?” I looked up at Hakka curiously. “I care because, care about Uzil. Normal to care about friends. Would rather Uzil be happy than keep him in my bed.” I shrugged a little, suspecting that Uzil was listening behind the flap, the same way I had, and hoping that I hadn’t hurt him again.

“Yes but… friends and friends are two different things. I have a lot of friends, but I still feel alone. It isn’t the same. Don’t you know that?” She scowled at me. “It’s a bad situation, alright? In the end, someone’s going to get hurt.” Her voice carried the hint of a growl on it. “Uzil doesn’t like anyone hurt. Shields don’t have an infinite size, not everyone can be protected. He fails to notice that.” She seemed about to leave then, but took a breath and faced me once more, “Look Nen. You’re a good person… for an elf. But Uzil’s already made his decision. And I can’t be happy just being ‘friends’. I’m a greedy little bitch like that, I guess. But, we can’t even be friends because I want to tear his head off every time I see him… that or…” She shifted her stance back and forth. “…uh …right, I’m leaving.” She began walking past me.

I nodded sadly. I really wished there was some way to help this girl, but if there was, it wasn’t for me to do. “Understand. I would feel same way. Not my decision to make, is yours and Uzil’s. Hope it… get better for you. Maybe time show you two a way to be happy again. Hope you find it. If… if I can help… you tell?”

Hakkajin shrugged wordlessly and fully turned away from Nen without losing pace. In a moment, she was out of sight over the hill.

I pushed the flap aside, walking into the cave and setting the greens carefully down on one of the logs. Uzil was lying on the pallet, turned away, his arms wrapped around himself. I stepped to the pallet, sitting on my knees and looking at Uzil. “Not go good, huh?”

“Not…” Uzil sighed, and rolled into a sit before continuing. “Not as well as I thought, I guess. But being incredibly jealous and controlling isn’t doing her any favors in my esteem of her, though I’m willing to set that aside if she settles for being friends.” Another sigh.

I frowned slightly. “Not always easy let go someone you love, Uzil.” I didn’t feel like bringing up how controlling Uzil himself tended to be when something didn’t go his way, so I just shrugged. “She scream at you again?”

“No. Was quiet. Calm. Collected. Why I thought things were going to be okay. And yes, I know I’m a jerk sometimes… often… almost always, but… I dunno. I don’t know what I should do.” Uzil flopped back onto the bed, supporting his head with his hands. “Any sage advice, three-times-my-elder?” A faint smile creased Uzil’s features.

“Sometimes need to let things go,” I said softly. “One way or other. If Hakka can’t, maybe you should. Don’t know, Uzil. No good answers. But right now, nothing good, bringing only unhappiness to each other. She want from you what you can not give.”

“But if I just… cut myself off from her, she’ll likely… seek vengeance, or something. I dunno. You might get hurt. So I’m torn, is all.” Uzil’s arm shot out from under his head, grabbing blindly towards mine.

I took Uzil’s hand and squeezed it. “She already feel cut off, Uzil, like you ignore her now, like she not worthwhile to you. That what she say to me. I not know how to make things better between you. Maybe, no way. Don’t know how Trolls do, but if ‘Riva chose someone else while I thought things still… working between us, I be crushed. Cannot give good advice, Uzil.”

“Why’d she tell you that? Why’d she come here? I have her cut off because she screams at me and demands I leave you to go back to her.” Uzil gently pulled my arm. “Why is she obsessed with me?”

“Because she is alone, Uzil,” I answered softly. “Like you say you alone when you meet me. Have friends, have others, but… still feel alone. She… say she crying when you… get attached to her. Sucker for sad girls.” I felt both sorry to bring this up, and oddly wary of this truth. “And… got attached very quickly. Maybe she not pitiful enough anymore? Maybe find new, more pitiful person to be attached?”

Uzil blinked, then frowned slightly. “Ended because she was afraid of her own emotions, and pushed me away at a very fragile, lonely time in my life. Pity, or a lack of it, had nothing to do with the two of us splitting. Maybe you think I only stay with you out of pity? I spend so much effort, all trying to make you happy in spite of screwing up all the time… And you think is because of pity? Not that shallow, Nen. At least, I hope not.”

“Not pity,” I said quickly, blushing slightly and feeling more than a little ashamed. “But… like to take care of people. Must admit, Nen needs a lot of taking care, at least now. And, very hasty, getting attached. Say you love me. Make me nervous is all… especially when can see Hakkajin, still love you, still close and so upset… hard not to be nervous. Sorry,” I finished, dropping my gaze to the floor.

“Is okay. Makes sense, easy assumption to make, don’t be sorry, just… understand. Do get attached to people fast. Okay to be nervous. Sorry if I just… lash out, or something.” Uzil sat up, and with his free arm, suddenly held me close. “Uzil is inconsistent, and at least two or three layers deep, not just one.”

I leaned into the embrace, closing my eyes. “Hard to know, what best now,” I whispered. “All things confused, world upside down. Never… never in situation like this.” Suddenly, I stiffened, drew out of his embrace, and looked at him accusingly.

“Uzil! You tell me Horde not have schools! Hakka say have Youofkay, open to whole Horde!”

Uzil blinked. “University of Kalimdor has a class once in a blue moon. And mostly just 20-odd people going off to the middle of nowhere to hear about something that happened forever ago to a weird place that no one lives in anymore. Besides, didn’t start till what, 2 years ago at the earliest? Doesn’t count.” He grinned jokingly as he once more drew me to his chest.

“…oh.” I was crestfallen, terribly disappointed. “Hakka say was school, learn about history… I need know more about Horde, was very excited. Was going to ask to write to Saffee, Hakka say in charge, see if I can learn too.”

“Still can, just… sporadic. Easier to learn history directly from the people. Tauren have scrolls hanging in druid tent, all about Tauren history. Troll history, too much to cover, I don’t even know much of it, and Orc history? Mostly events remembered by the current survivors, like Zugtug. Not much written history, especially from before demon-corruption.” Uzil smiled.

“But as soon as you’re an official member of the horde, know Saffiy will let you go on every field trip. Know it. It’s okay, you’ll learn, not as bad as I make it sound. Still significant institution.”

I lifted my head slightly. “You help me write letter? Can speak Troll but cannot write. Maybe can mail when get to talk to leader – you say figured out time for that, yes?”

“Yup, can help with letter, AND have time. We have our meeting. Silvermoon negotiations taking forever to nail out the details.”

I beamed at him. “Thank you much, Uzil. Know this really hard, annoying work to you.” I leaned up slightly to kiss the base of one tusk. “So… I surprised you spend all this time at home and not ask for food yet,” I said, grinning, trying to put him at his ease and the rest of the day behind us.

“Earthen Ring takes care of its own, or what it considers its own. Though I could stand something. Orcish stir-fry is filling, but doesn’t last forever…” Uzil grinned as he pulled me down with him, laying on the pallet and sneaking a kiss. “Or, could just set aside for breakfast…” Uzil whispered.

“Could do that,” I agreed, stretching out next to him and propping my chin in one hand, trailing my fingers along his neck. “Plenty of cold roast, could warm up, or eat cold, or wait for later.” I leaned over, kissed him, and then smiled. “Winter Veil present almost done, sorry it taking so long.”

“No worries. Mine basically found itself, so…” Uzil shrugged lightly, and smiled me, a hand reaching over to awkwardly stroke my cheek with its ungainly fingers. “I say roast waits for later, unless you’re hungry now?”

I answered him with a kiss.

Thrall was a warrior. The Horde were warriors, respected warriors.

But I was coming, essentially, as a supplicant.

The Horde seemed to love the clash of arms and physical strength.

But I didn’t want any mistaken chance that someone would think I was threatening him.

I wanted to show proper respect.

Respect to my people was not the same as respect to the Horde.

Round and round I padded, glancing between my armor and the dress Siwili had brought me. Finally, with Uzil beginning to stir slightly in a way that told me he’d be up soon, I made my decision, slipping out of the nightshirt and into the dress. After all, Uzil had gone to try and get that meeting every day in his black cloth suit. I wanted to look like the meeting mattered to me. It did. It was only the rest of my life, after all.

I snugged the dress down over my hips and smoothed the skirt out. It was such a pretty dress. I hoped no one would be trying to puncture it.

Uzil blinked, lifted his face in my direction, blinked again. He seemed confused. And then… suddenly, he wasn’t. He sat up as abruptly as if the mattress burned him, stripping without even glancing at me, and then throwing on his clothes hurriedly. Were we late?

“Ready to go, cute dress girl?”

I finger-combed my hair, trying to set my locks in something resembling order. What I wouldn’t give for some scented oil, a bristle brush, a mirror, some shimmer powder for my eyes… all of a sudden everything about the cave seemed dirty and barbaric and just… unready, that was what it was. I couldn’t be ready like this! Swallowing the sudden tremor of hysteria, I forced a smile in Uzil’s direction. “Okay wear dress?”

“Dress is wonderful. Relax. Not haughty. Just Soldier requesting citizenship for comrade, not representing entire people. Besides, dealing with salt-of-the-earth people.” Uzil smiled gently at me, stood and set a hand on my shoulder. “Look beautiful. Long ride, though.”

I swallowed, nodded, and put my arms around Uzil’s waist, hugging him briefly and then resting my forehead against him with a sigh. “Thank you, Uzil. Cannot say enough thank you for all of this.”

Uzil returned the embrace. “No need to thank. Just looking out for friend, or more-than-friend. Feels good to take care of. Ever ride before?” Without waiting for an answer, Uzil disengaged, blew on a seemingly soundless whistle, and began walking towards the entrance to the cave. “Know you haven’t ridden raptor before…”

I walked with him, nodding. “Ride on hawkstrider. Seen Trolls on raptors, seem must ride same way… but raptors much, much bigger, of course. Ride Wildhammer griffon once or twice, too. Raptor will not bite, right?” I asked a little nervously.

“MY raptor will not bite. More likely to run away. Or hit on. Pervert. Going to ride on Raptor, then Zeppelin, then maybe more raptor… And stay close. Have forms, saying you are an official guest, etc etc, but still not entirely safe.” With that, Uzil pulled out a positively dripping-with-legalese document, with a simplified, handwritten note at the bottom: “Multipass.”

I couldn’t help laughing. “Your raptor like you, huh?” I teased, smiling up at him. I glanced at the paper, then nodded. It looked wonderful, exactly the way a government form should look. “Will stay close, Uzil. Would anyway, not know way around.” I picked up Temper, setting the little serpent around my neck like a scarf, and shrugged on the vest Hakkajin had given me, tucking the multipass safely inside it.

Uzil quickly kissed my forehead, and then left the cave, looking around for the raptor. “Going to be riding near Scourge cities. Cuts a lot of time off our trip. Might want to… keep eyes closed after we pass Chillwind camp. Just… warning, is all.” Uzil still glanced about, seemingly distracted.

I shivered slightly and nodded.

Uzil nodded, and sighed as a large, bipedal reptile slowly, reluctantly lumbered up the hill, looking over his shoulder every few steps. Finally, it reached the entrance, and chirped at Uzil, then looked at me, tilting its head in confusion, occasionally glancing back at Uzil.

I looked at the raptor, then glanced down the hill to see if I could spot what was bothering it. “It pretty,” I said quietly to Uzil, admiring the raptor’s glossy hide.

Suddenly, I was in the air, Uzil lifting me toward the raptor… and then pausing with me still suspended in his arms. “How… uh, exactly do you ride with a dress? Like a kilt?” He furrowed his brow.

“Um, usually sideways? Skirt and legs one side? Hard without right saddle, but you riding with, I hold onto you, yes?”

Uzil nodded, set me on the saddle, then climbed on as well, sitting further to the back of the saddle, his arms wrapping around me as he reached for the reins. “Comfy? Or close enough to comfy?” It was a simple saddle, little more than some leather padding, straps, and a cloth underlay, so there was no inconvenient saddlehorn or such to provide support or somewhere to hook my knee.

However, having Uzil sitting behind me provided me with plenty of balance. I leaned back against him, pulling Temper off of my neck (and away from Uzil’s face) and into my lap. “Yes, nice and comfy,” I said, smiling a little. The raptor bounced and swayed unsettlingly, but I knew Uzil wouldn’t let me fall.

Uzil nodded, and gave the beast a gentle tap in the middle of its neck. The raptor didn’t budge an inch, except to look at Uzil, confused. An exasperated sigh later, Uzil slapped his feet against its side and snatched up the reins as the beast unsteadily hurled itself down the hill.

I gasped and clutched at Uzil’s arm when the beast began jouncing its way across the green. It moved much faster, and much jerkier, than I’d been expecting. I watched the hills whip by with wide eyes.

Uzil wrapped his left arm tight around me, holding me in place and radiating calm as he violently, but with total control, guided the raptor with his right. Whoosh! The bridge flew by, and the raptor made a hard right, soon leaping through a Troll camp, with little regard towards the now-armed Trolls.

I squeaked, pressing myself back against Uzil’s chest. I wasn’t a coward, and I’d infiltrated my share of Troll camps, but I was utterly out of control here and unarmored to boot. My grip on Uzil’s arm tightened.

Uzil just rode onward, kicking at the hand of a Troll who snatched at us. “It’ll be alright.” We shot past a small camp of elves… who looked, and didn’t even bother to stand. “Angling south…” Uzil murmured, reassuringly.

I nodded, turning my face away from the elves and pressing my cheek against his arm. I’d been afraid that they might have seen me, assumed the Troll was doing something bad to her, shoot at us… they couldn’t possibly have recognized me at this speed… but they were too apathetic even to move. My mouth had a bitter taste in it. Pity and contempt warred within my breast. They were still living in their own cages.

Uzil rode onward, focused on the invisible path only he saw. some The Quel’danil Lodge was barely visible far off to the north, and Uzil began to veer towards it, aiming for some brush to the side. Instantly, he ducked his head, and his mount picked up speed.

“Down.” A simple command.

I scrunched down, tucking Temper into my vest, peeking up and around again as the landscape flew past.

We blew through a small outlying camp, and arrows sang through the air as they failed to strike the bouncing, speedy target or his two riders. An alarm went up, and the rangers sluggishly ran out to find… nothing, as the raptor scrambled up the hill to an overlying path, heading due north. Soon, a large clump of black cloth obscured Nen’s vision, as some fires became visible further north.

“Put around neck, please?” A reassuring pat, and a tightening of the left arm accompanied a nod from Uzil.

I stiffened as the cloth covered my face, and pushed it out of the way. I leaned forward as the tabard tumbled back to lie across my back. The raptor’s neck was warm, the scales surprisingly smooth, almost like pebbled skin rather than snake’s scales. I looked around, wide-eyed. “What are fires?”

“Chillwind camp. Alliance border with Plaguelands. Need passage, easiest to just ride through as member of Argent dawn. Please drape over neck?” Uzil’s speech had a light sense of nervous urgency. “Sorry, scared for you. Trying to stay calm. Too used to being alone for this, not sure how they’ll react.” The fires loomed closer.

I reached back for the tabard, fumbling with it and then finding the neckhole and slipping it over my head. “Alliance more likely to shoot you than me,” I pointed out. “Quel’dorei still supposed to be neutral to Alliance.”

Uzil grimaced slightly. “But acting as bodyguard for member of argent dawn on cross-factional mission into Andorhal, if we get stopped, okay?” He met my eyes, and nodded. “Won’t just shoot, chance of hitting you.” The first guard camp stood as they passed, but stopped, and sat back down. “Understand?”

I nodded. “Andorhal,” I murmured, turning my head to look at the human guardsman. “Understand.”

“… First big city to fall. Major scourge center, but Bronze dragon inside, small bastion, constant Scarlet Crusade incursions. Warzone. Might want to close eyes soon.” Uzil snorted, and rode through the final checkpoint, a strange tentacled blue fellow catching his eye. “Fuckers. Here too.”

I boggled at the figure as we whizzed past. “What… what that?” I couldn’t think of anything that looked like… that.

“New Alliance allies. Scum.” A low growl escaped from Uzil’s throat. “Look at me. Not elsewhere.” Uzil fell silent, and rode, the town of Andorhal slowly becoming visible on the horizon.

I glanced up at the growl, but I already knew why he was telling me to look at him. I could smell it… it was all around. My gaze left his face… I couldn’t help it.

We were riding into a city of the dead. I stiffened and pushed back against him, horrified. “Uzil…” I whispered. We were heading straight into it!

“Stay calm. We’ll be fine.” Despite riding around the outskirts of the town, we did attract some attention, slavering ghouls howling as we rode by, frostbolts screaming over our heads. “Stay calm. We’re fine. We’re okay.” A constant gentle whispering, reassuring, and a deep sense of warmth. “It’s okay.”

I squeezed my eyes shut and hid my face against his arm. I supposed, dimly, that I was a coward and that Uzil thought less of me, but I couldn’t help it. I hadn’t seen the undead since… I opened one eye, caught sight of an abomination, dragging his hooked chains behind his bloated body as he waddled through the streets, and squeezed it shut again, shuddering.

“It’s okay, Nen. It’s okay to be afraid. Not ready yet to face them, to see them.” We rushed through a wheat field, time seeming to slow as they rode through it, all manner of hellish beasts in pursuit. The dry grasses whickered against the raptor’s belly and our feet. “Almost to the Bulwark, Nen. Is okay.”

Uzil’s chatter ceased, and he rode in silence as the scourge abandoned the chase, and Andorhal faded behind us.

I nodded against him, but still didn’t open my eyes. The smell of undeath seemed to creep into my nose no matter what I did, choking me. I buried my nose and mouth against the fur lining of my vest and tried to breathe through it.

A long time seemed to pass.

Finally, the smell faded somewhat, and Uzil shook me. “Is okay. Open eyes. Are in Tirisfal. Horde land.” In the distance, a tower came into view. “Zep tower.”

I lifted my face, then boggled upward. We had towers and spires and all manner of similar structure in Silvermoon… but they were smooth stone, or metal, sweeping and ornate and graceful. This thing looked like it was going to fall down at any moment. Two undead with swords stood in front of it, and I eyed them. I assumed they weren’t Scourge, since they didn’t rush to try and kill me… “Um… that um… safe?” I whispered to Uzil, not wanting the Forsaken to hear me questioning their tower.

“Ran up it more than I care to count.” Uzil halted and dismounted slowly, lifting me off the beast. “Safe, Nen, safer than the ride here.” The raptor rode off in a flash, and Uzil ascended the tower, motioning for me to follow.

I followed him closely, eyeing the weathered wood and rickety timbers mistrustfully. They creaked and swayed slightly in the wind in a very disconcerting way, but since it didn’t fall over and Uzil said it was okay, and Uzil was much heavier… I kept to the edge of the stairs all the same, in case I needed to try and leap clear of the falling mess.

They reached the top without incident, Uzil nodding at the goblin before squatting calmly. I edged closer, standing pressed against his side and looking around nervously. It seemed inevitable that one of the Horde was going to walk up and put a sword through me before too long.

“Calm down, Nen. Is okay. Nothing going to happen now.” As he spoke, a Zeppelin pulled up to the tower, all aboard leaping off before it reached the tower. “Boat’s here.”

I stared at the zeppelin, grinning despite myself. I’d heard about the airships the Horde used to transport their troops, but I’d never seen one and certainly never thought I’d ride one. I stepped aboard, catching my balance when the dock swayed slightly beneath the airbag, and then leaned over the railing, still grinning. “Wow!”

“Heh.” A grin creased Uzil’s features, as he embraced mefrom behind. We were alone on the deck. “Don’t fall. And don’t start any fires.” A tight squeeze and Uzil paced away, to sit at the back of the Zeppelin. “Will take a bit, so get comfortable.”

I went with him, settling down next to him, still peering over the edge with delight. When the Zeppelin ground to a start, engines chugging and back rotor whirring, I gasped a little, drawing away from the edge before being drawn inexorably back to gaze at the moving world. “This great! You have this! This amazing!”

Then I stopped short and blinked at him. “Fires?”

“Gas bag. Can catch on fire easily, if you light it. No good. And contracted with Goblins, but…” He couldn’t help but smile. “Thanks. Horde is proud of them. Still have paper?”

I nodded, patting the side of my vest. Temper clawed his way out of it, to my shoulder, spreading his wings and shrieking loudly at the sky all around, clearly laying claim to the domain of air. I winced slightly. “Of course have paper, Uzil, not going to lose something so important! Oh, you have this back?” I pulled the black tabard off and offered it.

Uzil nodded and took the cloth, jamming it into his pack. “So, whole sky is yours, Temper? Might have some competition…” He grinned, and wrapped an arm around me, yawning slightly. “Rocking always puts me to sleep, or tries to. This is what I mean by ‘fly’.”

I cuddled herself against his chest, carefully spreading my skirt to avoid making it a wrinkled mess. “Don’t sleep, you will miss whole trip! Are we go over ocean?” I asked, tracing a finger along his cheek.

“Long trip over ocean. Forever trip over ocean, seems like. And have made the trip hundreds of times, Nen. Not as big of a deal anymore.” A finger ran along my spine as Uzil’s grin grew fond and indulgent. “Will lose its magic, eventually, but glad you enjoy it.” The vast sea slipped by below us.

I shivered slightly and smiled, leaning up and over him to watch the ocean. “How can not be a big deal to fly like this?” I looked down and kissed the end of one tusk. “Silly Troll.”

“Think they want papers, Nen. Just hand over, don’t speak.”

I took the papers from my vest and unfolded them carefully before handing them over to the Orc’s outstretched hand, trying not to shrink back against Uzil. It was funny, when Zugtug had been in our cave, unarmored and genial, I hadn’t remembered how big an armored Orc was…

As the Orc withdrew his hand, Uzil caught him by the wrist, and raised an eyebrow. “We WILL get those back. You will NOT take them,” he said in Orcish. The Orc nodded, and smiled disarmingly, before returning the papers, not to me, but to Uzil, who promptly turned it over to me again. “C’mon, Nen.”

I followed Uzil, trying to keep my walk even and my head up, and not scurry after him like a lost pet. I carefully tucked the papers back in my vest and patted Temper, who was once more poking his head out and clambering to my shoulder. I tried to keep an even pace with Uzil’s swagger, only a half-step or so back.

“Did good,” was all that Uzil said, as he slowly paced towards the huge entrance to the west. “Stick close.”

I nodded silently and kept pacing, trying not to turn my head and goggle at my surroundings like the tourist I admittedly was. The barren, rocky red land was so different than the vibrant greens and golds I was used to. I stifled a gasp when the walls of Orgrimmar came into full and unobstructed view, stumbling slightly as my gaze went up… and up… “…wow,” I whispered.

“Be cool. You’re an important diplomat. No time to gasp or be surprised.” Uzil nodded slightly at the guards, as he paced by them, nodding at me, wordlessly telling them to stay calm. “C’mon. Biggest rush is to come.”

“I am?” I whispered back at him, squeaking slightly. I kept my shoulders squared and my chin raised as I passed through the dark entrance tunnel, trying not to flinch as enormous beasts rushed past, altogether too close, bearing giants in insane armor. But I stopped short, open mouthed, and gasped when we came into view of Orgrimmar’s main hub. My eyes darted about, the place was so busy, so strange, so alien and loud and… I didn’t know where to look first.

Uzil grasped my wrist when I stopped, and began to push through the rushing throng. “Stay close, and hold on. This is the avenue between the Auction house, and the Bank.” People chatted, bought and sold, enchanted, constructed, sewed, oiled leather, and often, just yelled. Usually incoherently. “Valley of strength. Business district. Need to go north. C’mon.” A little fear crept into his voice.

I tried to stay close to him, but the goggling throng was so dense, and so many of them seemed determined not to let me through. Whether the Sin’dorei had to deal with this sort of behavior, I didn’t know, but being taken for one didn’t seem the best protection. I felt someone grab my other wrist, snatched it back, grabbed Temper when he lunged at someone and clasped him against me. My heart hammered. Someone’s hand skated across my back and I half-ran forward, trying to stay closer to Uzil. The sounds and smell of the city seemed to hammer into my head. I wished I’d brought my hooded cloak, something, anything to make me stand out less.

Finally, we reached another tower, and Uzil practically carried me up the ramp, finally reaching the top and pacing hurriedly across the bridge. “Nen, not fully safe. C’mon.”

I nodded, keeping as close to him as I could without tripping him, still clutching the windserpent. “So big,” I muttered, eyes still darting around, though most of my concentration had shifted from how amazing the city was to how frightening the inhabitants were. And what the hell were those bat-things crouching on the edges of that tower?!

Uzil stopped, the route ahead of us largely uninhabited. “Almost there. Straighten up?”

I carefully loosened my grip on Temper and nodded, straightening out my skirt and then finger-combing my hair with shaking hands. I took off my leather vest and carefully folded it over my arm, then set Temper on it. “Okay, almost there,” I murmured to herself, trying to calm my racing heart and trembling muscles.

Uzil smiled and embraced me. “It’ll be easy. Calm. Now, introduce yourself in Orcish? Like we practiced.” Uzil snuck a kiss before stepping back, and peering at me hopefully.

I gathered myself, dipped a curtsey, and said, “Greetings, Mighty Thrall, Warchief of the Horde, I am Nenuial Aina’aelin, former Ranger of Silvermoon.” My Orcish was still more fluted than it should have been, but for this phrase at least, aside from my accent, it was polished to perfection.

Uzil smiled, and nodded. “C’mon. I’ll be doing much of the talking, explaining bluntly that while you are studying Orcish, you’re not quite fluent.” He embraced me again, and began to walk north. A large audience hall come into view, as well as a rather armored tree-trunk, a plaque before it. Immediately, the guards outside drew their weapons, and the commendations officer pulled an axe from straps on his back.

Uzil dug some papers from his pack, and nodded at them. He said something to them in Orcish, reminding them of who he was, and that he was there my appointment. A nod was all the answer he got. He paced through the entrance, giving a brief nod to the she-Troll in the fore-chamber. She gave a sultry smirk in response, and seemed to eye me appraisingly.

I didn’t look to her or the guards. My back was straight, my shoulders squared and my chin raised. Through the open archway I could already see Thrall – or I assumed that Thrall didn’t let anyone else stand on a dais in front of his throne. The Orc was big, even bigger than the guards, and clad in dark armor, but that wasn’t what caught my eye. It was the lively intelligence in his eyes. His gaze clearly spoke to a keen mind working every detail of the room around him.

Oddly, I relaxed slightly. I’d been worried that anyone strong enough to take control of the entire Horde would be a brute, and his intelligence would mostly be animal cunning. This, though… this was someone I could hope to reason with.

As Uzil paced forward, he nodded slightly at Thrall, who seemed to be… in a somewhat poor mood, directed at the thin, pale elven woman beside him. When Thrall spoke, his voice was deep and resonant, his Orcish more clear and defined than any other I’d heard.

“Lok’tar, young Uzil. I understand you have come to request asylum for… another…” His words dropped off, slightly, as his eyes dropped back to mine. “Will the young lady introduce herself?” he asked, in clear Common.

I nodded, curtsied, and then continued the introduction I’d already planned, in the best Orcish I could manage. “Greetings, Mighty Thrall, Warchief of the Horde, I am Nenuial Aina’aelin, former Ranger of Silvermoon.”

I hoped that at least making the attempt to learn his language would show him that I wasn’t just a lazy leech. “I am hoping,” I continued in the Common he was clearly fluent in, “that you’ll allow me to live and work within your Horde. I apologize that my command of your tongue isn’t as good as yours of mine is.” While Common wasn’t technically my language, it was still one most of my people had command of, so the compliment was still valid… mostly.

“A simple question first, Nenuial Aina’aelin,” Thrall said, his dark and intent eyes focused on mine. “Uzil has already made many positive remarks, and given that your ideologically disparate siblings are joining soon, assuming some wrinkles are ironed out, I have no remaining qualms.”

Thrall cleared his throat. “Orcs and Trolls, in the city of Silvermoon, seems to be an issue with this alliance. What do you believe? To perhaps clarify, should Trolls and Orcs be permitted to enter the city of Silvermoon freely, if our planned alliance goes through?” Thrall glanced over his shoulder at the Silvermoon ambassador, who seemed apprehensive behind her flawless mask.

I nodded slowly, taking my time to feel out the question. It wouldn’t do me any good to lie to this man, I could already tell that, and the question wasn’t as simple as it seemed. I avoided looking at the Sin’dorei emissary, instead keeping my gaze on Thrall himself. Oddly enough, the choking sensation that should undoubtedly have followed being put on the spot by someone so important did not come.

“I can understand the reluctance. After all, my people and the Troll have been blood-foes for ages, literally ages, and not a few of my people have opined – rightly or wrongly, who can say – that if the orcish Horde had not stolen our runestones in the Second War, Arthas would not have been able to make his way to our Sunwell and sack the city. The scars are many and the wounds run deep.”

I took a deep breath. “However… in the last month… an act of kindness to a Troll, an enemy of my people, has opened the gates for that kindness to be returned to me a hundredfold. A Troll gave me the chance to be a person, not just an elf, in his eyes, and gave me the chance to see him the same way. While those still living in Silvermoon may not currently see the benefit to allying themselves with Trolls and Orcs, I do. And I believe they will too, in time. Your willingness to consider allying with them proves that you can see them as people in their own right, not just elves. All it will take is for them to extend the same to you.”

Thrall’s lips twisted in a slight smile and he quietly spoke. “Well said, Miss Nenuial. And welcome.” A small Orcish boy approached from the side, and handed me a small metal insignia, motioning for me to pin it on my clothing. Finally, after a long pause, Thrall spoke to me in low Orcish, “You are dismissed.”

I curtsied again, pinning the insignia to my dress. “Thank you,” I said, in Orcish, one of the other phrases I had polished as well as I could. Then I turned to Uzil with a little grin I could not help. My heart was jackrabbiting again, not in fear now, but in excitement.

“Feel like seeing the new home?” Uzil asked, grinning, as he escorted me out of the hall. “We could ride a windrider…”

I nodded. “Yes, want to see. Want to see it all,” I said, taking his enormous hand and squeezing it tightly. I tilted my head and smiled mischievously. “Can ride two on windrider like can on raptor?”

“Not usually, but maybe… take Tauren-flight?” His arm wrapped around my shoulder, as he slowly lumbered towards the flight tower.

I chuckled. “Tauren flight?” The city seemed to be so much nicer from the higher ledges… safer, more distant, and without being right in the seething masses, I could let it all sink in. I squinted, then pointed. “Dragons heads? Those dragons?”

“Yup. Black Dragonflight.” He smiled. “Slain by horde heroes and adventurers…” the smile turned sad, as Uzil turned to the windmaster. “Flight for two to Sun Rock Retreat, minimum stops. Preferably the same wyvern, if possible.”

I looked at the wyvern with curious and fearless interest, studying everything from the barbed tailtip to the oddly human face, then shrugged my vest back on, tucking Temper back into it. I looked up at Uzil.

“Well? Have a seat. I’ll get on behind.” Uzil hustled me onto the saddle, then sat himself, tossing some coin to the windmaster, calling something at him in Orcish that sounded suspiciously like… love advice? The Orc grimaced, double-tapped the beast’s neck, and it took off in a cloud of dust.

Uzil squeezed his left arm tight around me as the wyvern ascended, sailing above the tallest rooftops of Orgrimmar.

I gasped and then grinned, grasping the edge of the saddle in one hand and holding tight to Uzil’s arm in the other. It was the most amazing thing ever, better even than the airship. I was actually flying! The wind whipped through my hair, stinging my cheeks, and the ground scrolled out beneath us like a tapestry. I looked out and down. The world was beautiful! The warmth of the afternoon sun on my face was lovely. I couldn’t think of a single thing to say to express how amazing this was.

“Not a long ride. Just west some,” Uzil said, and I could hear the smile in his voice. “Going to see whole world someday, Nen. And maybe other worlds. Just hope to be beside you for as much of it as I can.”

I turned in the saddle as much as I could and landed a thorough kiss on him. When I finally broke it to breathe, I nodded. “Want to see everything,” I said, flushed and excited, by the kiss and the flight and the idea behind what he’d said. “Everything. You do all this, Uzil, you make this happen.”

He only smiled widely and decline, claiming he wasn’t the only one, so on. But his grip on my waist only grew tighter. As we drew close to a misty red mountain, Uzil pulled me against him and buried my face in his shirt as he coughed.

When I could lift my head again, I continued to look around, watching the world scroll in jewel tones beneath us. Still, I shook my head. “All you, Uzil,” I said, knowing the wind would take my words back to him. “Meant to die that night, you found me, made me live, not give up. All you. Rest of my life, all due to you. Want you to know, I know that. Not ever forget it.”

“Still owe you, for ribs, bow,” he murmured with a slight chuckle, as a steep slope filled with pine trees slipped by beneath. “And you made the decision. Showed me fear wouldn’t master you. Came at a very interesting time in my life, Nenuial, and shaped me. Shifted my purpose.” Uzil fell silent, and silently vibrated, his humming carried away on the wind.

I shook my head. “Not owe me anymore, Uzil. Took my bow, gave me shield. Broke my ribs, fixed my heart. Not owe me.” I leaned forward, the wind buffeting me and making me feel as though I really was flying and not just riding. “You shift me, I shift you. Maybe reasons for these things. Just know I glad it happen.”

“So am I.”

Below us, a little retreat nestled in the red stones. A little piece of green tranquility in the middle of the slopes. I loved it at once.

The beast circled, then made a running landing next to a beautiful pond. Uzil disembarked, lifting me off the beast with him. Still holding me, he smiled and spoke. “Home.”

A few Tauren milled about, tending to various tasks. They seemed to know Uzil, but of course, they didn’t know me. The looks on their faces ranged from mild approval to slight distaste. It was better than I’d dared to hope.

“House isn’t done, but renting a room until I finish, anyway. Come meet the elder, town leader?”

I nodded, hugging him tightly for a moment before letting go and clasping his hand in mine. “House?” I asked, as a wind-roughened lock of my hair tumbled into my eyes and I brushed it out. “Building a house? Really?”

Uzil smiled and nodded. “Mostly… look like half buried sticks and pile of supplies right now, but will, eventually, be a house. Someday. Tauren carpenter teaching me some, studying Troll architecture for other, and little bit of Orcish sneaking into design. Not… really anything to look at right now, though. First house I’m building myself, is all.” His smile slowly turned shy as he spoke.

“I want see, later,” I said quietly, squeezing his hand tightly for a moment. “Can… maybe, if not ruin things, maybe I can help? Not build things before, but know how take directions,” I added with a little grin.

Uzil smiled and nodded. “Of course can help. Only a little less experienced than me at building, if you’ve never built before…”

He took me to see the elder, showed me the inn where we’d be staying, and then took me up a path into the rocks to show me where he was building the place we’d live. There was another hut up there, of leather Tauren design, with a water elemental milling around next to it that only added to the familiar, homelike feeling of the place to me. The pond, with the pretty bridge and stepping stones, could almost have been in Eversong. Sun Rock seemed like Quel’thalas in a way, maybe as it had been before we shaped it to ourselves.

I looked at the site he’d chosen, at the back of the little overlook, sheltered by trees, safe from attack, and with a view of the entire town, and loved it. I wanted this to be home.

And there are many paths to tread

Through shadows to the edge of night,

Until the stars are all alight.

Then world behind and home ahead,

We’ll wander back to home and bed.”

–J.R.R. Tolkien

Uzil had moved all our belongings to the Inn the night we moved here. He’d left Temper and I sleeping and gone back himself, wanting to surprise me with it all being there. I was surprised all right, and a part of me slightly chilled to think what might have happened to me while he was gone, if the inhabitants had been a little more offended by my presence. I was also grateful that he brought all my belongings… and hadn’t seemed surprised by, or questioning of, the large, square, and very heavy package I’d wrapped tightly in leather and laid next to my jar of moonwell water.

Uzil had an idea for how the house was supposed to look. I was really just there to help with the manual labor. I’m not as strong as he is, of course, but the training he’s been giving me has been good for me, and I’ve always been in reasonably good shape. Mostly, my job consisted of holding either wooden posts or some sort of… tusk? Antler? Bone? I’m not really sure what these are from… um, into the holes he’s dug in a circle around the site. I hold the posts steady, and he uses ropes to bend and tie them into place, either to the other posts, or to stakes in the ground, getting the tips together and lashed.

It’s really not as easy as it sounds. I wasn’t there just buffing my nails and leaning against the post. It was pretty difficult to hold against his tugging, especially since I was so much smaller than he was. I basically had to just lock my fingers together around the pole and then lean my full weight in the other direction, just to keep it upright.

We were busy lashing down the tips of the poles when someone came up and greeted us, from behind me. I couldn’t really turn to look at that moment, but after answering the greeting – and saying, rather automatically, that no we didn’t need and couldn’t pay for any extra labor – Uzil turned and with an odd look on his face, told me that the visitor was for me.

The shock that ran through me when I turned was like a dive into an icy lake. There was another Elf standing there, and not the rather hostile woman named Braelyn who spent her days pacing next to the pond and cursing. It was a man, slender, well-kept, in long grey robes and with a pair of delicate spectacles balanced on his nose.

My only thought at the time was that he must be a friend of Braelyn. After all, I didn’t know him, and what were the chances that another Elf would end up in such a remote location right after I did. I supposed briefly, when he said that although he’d met Braelyn he was only a traveler, that he might have been sent to find or kill me by the Lodge… but only briefly. It was hard to imagine them summoning up that kind of effort just for me.

He offered to help us, at no cost except to hear our tale, what brought us to this place and what we were doing. I suppose he was curious what would bring an Elf and a Troll together, building a house, this far from everything. He spoke very good Orcish, but not much Troll, so it was hard for the three of us to converse. It was a relief, truthfully, to speak to someone in my own tongue, not to have to try and twist my mouth and mind to alien grammar and sounds.

He began helping us, pulling and bending the ropes and poles. His grey robe was sleeveless, and I couldn’t help noticing as he strained against the ropes that he was far stronger than I’d originally assumed. Seeing him in the robe, I’d thought him a mage, or perhaps a priest. But his arms were muscular, hard… swordsman’s arms I think, more than bowsman’s.

He said that he wasn’t Sin’dorei, openly and calmly. That startled me. After all, the Sin’dorei were the ones making a pact with the Horde, not the Quel’dorei. He said that he’d learned Orcish from some of the Church’s old texts, before they were destroyed. Then Uzil growled, introducing himse and asking the stranger’s name and what Church exactly he meant. I was a little concerned by the growl, but when I looked at him, he seemed fine, bent on his work, tugging a rope while the other Elf and I steadied an antler/tusk in the ground.

He said that his name was Sylarne, and that he meant the Church of the Light. The old libraries, he said, back in Lordaeron, had several texts studying Orcs and their languages. He wasn’t, however, a priest. He was a traveler, he said, going up and down the lands, seeking out other Elves when he heard of them, touching base with our scattered flock. He’d come here when he heard of Braelyn, and stayed a little to work for the smith here.

He understood that the current negotiations afforded him a little leniency traveling about, lessening the chances that he would be attacked on sight. And after all, how many Horde would ask – or even know – the difference between Sin’dorei and Quel’dorei? He was heading to Silvermoon after this, to try and see if he could give any aid there. He didn’t know whether the fact that he did not ascribe to their ways would make his help unwelcome.

“A bit of neutrality, of course, does not mean amnesty,” he said, lifting a fold of his robe and revealing the long sword hanging in them. “I dress and call myself as I do so I can act on the Virtues longer; dressing as and calling myself a paladin can draw… negative attention, in this area.”

Uzil nodded slightly. “Well, Sylarne, glad for the help. Any particular reason you’re all the way out here? Bit of a trek, this far out. Unless you’re out for moonwells or something, in which case you’ve hit the jackpot. Got them marked on my map.” Uzil rolled his shoulders and suggested a break, speaking in a hearty and friendly tone. I could hardly believe my ears… my eyes were fixed on Sylarne, and I barely heard Uzil’s question.

A paladin! An Elven paladin! Drawn here, of all places!

It seemed like the Light drawing more in my path to help me. It seemed completely clear. Why else, how else, could such a coincidence possibly have taken place? Uzil was telling Sylarne where the Moonwells were, describing the areas and the protections they were under.

“You’re a paladin? Really? You were trained before the Fall?” I could hardly keep the eagerness from my voice. He must have been sent to help me!

He turned his attention to me and gave me a curious look. “I’ve studied the philosophy and practical applications of the Light, and was instructed in that and the martial aspects by one who was a member of the Order, yes… Have you been looking for someone with those qualifications?”

I nodded slowly, eyes still wide. “I’m… I’ve… recently, I was… well, given… chosen…? I don’t know how to explain this without sounding… I don’t know,” I said, shaking my head and laughing softly. It seemed impossible, suddenly, to say what had happened. It was too… too big, too strange. “The Light seems to have chosen me for that path, without me really… earning or deserving it, I certainly never trained for it…” I suddenly became aware that I was babbling, my words tumbling over one another, and to a stranger no less! My usual reserve rushed back like a riptide, and I blushed, dropping my gaze to the ground. “Just… surprised to meet a real paladin is all,” I murmured in the general direction of my own feet.

“You are the Light,” he said, “as much as every other living soul. If you are exhibiting… the ‘traditional’ traits of a practitioner… part of you believes enough in that truth to awaken it, even if you do not recognize as much. Or you needed the gifts strongly enough to awaken them at the proper moment.”

As if to spare me any further embarrassment, he turned back to Uzil, asking why we were building here. I hated making glaring social gaffes, and my gushing enthusiasm to this stranger had clearly been in that category. My people were generally reserved, careful with their secrets and their friendship… I’d acted like a child.

Uzil said that we were building a house, that I wanted to see the world and Kalimdor seemed a fine place to start, and that Tauren were fairly accepting people. He asked if something was bothering Sylarne.

Sylarne shook his head, clearly too polite to explain to Uzil that I’d just made an ass of myself. He spoke lightly, apologizing for speaking our native tongue in front of him, explaining that with so few elves out in the world, speaking Thelassian had become a rare treat. He took off his glasses and cleaned them with the fabric of his robe, turning back to me. He spoke in Orcish to me, saying that when the gifts first came, it could be overwhelming… even if you expected them. That was the general gist… living in Sun Rock had been training my ear to Orcish, but speaking it was still hard.

“Nen, don’t worry about it. I’m sure he’s just as excited to speak Thelassian as you are,” Uzil told me with an encouraging smile, adding in Orcish that he and his own companions tended to fall into their own native tongue, even when there were others around who didn’t speak Trollish.

“Not talking Orcish good,” I said quietly. “Learning. Uzil teaching.” I lifted my head enough to give Uzil a sincere smile before tilting my head back in Sylarne’s general direction, still avoiding his eyes. “Overwhelming is a good word for it,” I said in Thelassian. “There’s a… priestess of the Light helping to teach me, but she’s not a paladin. I’m sorry for my… over-enthusiasm, I was just startled to meet one of the old paladins. I thought they were all gone.” Her voice was low, subdued.

Sylarne replaced his glasses, frowning a bit. “I’m not so easily offended, don’t trouble yourself with it, please.” He crossed his arms over his chest and nodded slowly. Uzil squatted in the building site, picking up wooden supports and notching them. There didn’t seem to be anything that he needed from us.

“The way is the same. The Order was always relatively small, and always meant to be. The barrier protecting the faithful, the blade… carefully cutting away the cancers to the Light. You hope to become a paladin, then?”

Uzil lifted his head and asked the two of us to pull a few more ropes, and we hurried to do so. I certainly didn’t want to neglect our building project, and Sylarne and I could continue to talk while we worked.

“Hoping, I’m not sure about. Expecting, I suppose. I’ve always been good at following orders,” I added with a little dip of my head. After all, it was the one thing Uzil was most critical of.

He frowned a bit at me, a thoughtful frown I hoped and not a displeased one. “There are few of the old Order remaining. Fewer still that belonged to our nation… and of those few, even less remaining qualified to order. It truly is unfortunate.”

Uzil lifted his head, asking why Sylarne was looking for other elves, and if it was anyone in particular he sought out. The Troll’s shoulders were oddly tense, though I couldn’t imagine why. The building project didn’t seem to be turning out completely as he liked. He kept frowning down at his plans.

Sylarne shrugged at Uzil. No one in particular, he explained, he was just drawn to seeing the places our people had landed, like scattering seeds on the wind. Then he tilted his head at me. “The Order was about following orders, putting faith in the understanding of one’s superiors of the Virtues, to act together and increase the greater total good. Without the Order, what remains are the teachings, and the practitioner’s own judgment.

“And I suppose my interest in Silvermoon comes from my still being taken by the wind. You seem to have found a place to begin taking root.”

I nodded at Sylarne, holding another pole steady for him to tug it into place. “Uzil giving me place,” I said quietly, smiling at the Troll and speaking in Orcish. “Before, yes, drifting, no… self, no heart.” I knew my Orcish was awful, and I could get the message across a thousand times more succinctly in Thelassian… but I wanted Uzil to hear it too. I wanted him to know I remembered.

The Elf turned to me, giving me a considering look before nodding. “Perhaps finding your self again was all that was needed to allow the Light to shine through you.”

Uzil nodded at me, and then told Sylarne that what he should do is do a few job for some goblins, then just step aboard the ship and let them assume he was on business for them and simply ride the boat. Then he nodded his head toward his bag, which he’d discarded against the rock wall. “Couple of gold, coinpurse is right over there.” There was a weirdly challenging look on Uzil’s face, as if it was some sort of test.

Sylarne blinked a little, then demurred, saying that he’d prefer to pay his own way, and that he didn’t feel comfortable taking money that hadn’t been handed to him by the owner. Briskly, Uzil dug into his pockets, grabbed Sylarne’s hand, and dropped several gold coins into it, saying that it would get him to Southshore, if he was careful, in exchange for a few days of work on the house.

I tried to sort of smooth that odd challenge out. It made me uncomfortable, and I couldn’t imagine why he was being so pushy with a total stranger… and not just a stranger, a paladin, someone who could help me! “I’d… like to talk to you more about this, if you weren’t on your way to Silvermoon. I… can’t imagine seeing it again, myself. It’s… a dangerous road back though. Have you… seen the Plaguelands?”

“I imagine I won’t be on my way for a few more days at the very least, if you’d like to talk. I have seen it. It is a treacherous place. I would take another way if I knew of one.”

“I’d like that… if we had anywhere to call our own, I’d invite you to dinner, but we’re just living out of a room in the inn until this is finished,” I said, nodding my head toward the construction. “How do you… feel about the Forsaken?”

He paused for a moment at my question, as if trying to collect his thoughts. “I was familiar with Lordaeron and her people. As to the Forsaken… I imagine you understand that the living dead is as much a state of mind as a physical condition. I know none personally, but I can sympathize with what I hear of them. And if you will have me somewhere, I won’t complain about the location. I’m staying in the inn, myself.”

Uzil plopped himself to the ground, notching wooden supports and muttering to himself, warning Sylarne that there were also Scarlets between himself and Silvermoon, and other things, more than just the undead.

I had no idea what he was doing, but he wasn’t asking for help, so I continued to speak to Sylarne. “My teacher – the priestess who’s teaching me about the Light – is Forsaken. And ou-The Sin’dorei alliance seems to stem from Lordaeron and… and Sylvanas.” I dropped my gaze again, not knowing what he might read there. “You… might want to see if there’s an airship or… or something that the Sin’dorei are using to get back and forth.”

Sylarne nodded slowly. “I imagine one who holds their faith through such a transition has more than a strong enough foundation to be passing the knowledge on… And I wouldn’t know where to begin looking for such a transport. This is the farthest north I’ve traveled in Kalimdor, and I’ve seen nothing but the ships in Ratchet.”

“Ow!” I turned as Uzil started, blood beginning to seep from the cut he’d made in his finger with the saw. “Bah, just a scratch,” he muttered. “Need to pay better attention. That, or get a less-pointy saw.”

I winced and turned to kneel next to the Troll, taking a roll of bandages out of my beltpouch. “Let me see,” I said, reaching for his hand. I suddenly felt… oddly hesitant to touch him in front of the other elf, and my face flushed hotly to realize that. I was absolutely awful, I really was. I just couldn’t rid my mind of what the other elves would say if they found out the things I was doing, with a Troll…. Sylarne said nothing, just stood behind us. Watching.

After a minor, and largely illusory attempt to shake my off, Uzil sighed, smiling, and let me bandage the little cut. “Didn’t mean to interrupt, just thinking, trying to understand some words, and finger had a disagreement with saw…” Uzil glanced slightly towards Sylarne. I wondered if he saw me blushing and knew it was because part of me was ashamed. I wanted to sink into the ground.

I bandaged him quickly, still flushed, and then patted his hand. “Be more careful, you need that hand,” she said in Trollish, smiling through the blush. “Uzil, can you think of any way we could show Sylarne where the airship is, that he can use it? I sure it faster to get him to Lordaeron, and Sin’dorei there might be able to help him get to Quel’thalas.” I tilted my head. “We should eat together. Like to hear more about real paladins.”

“Apologies,” said Sylarne from behind me, in Orcish. “My Troll is not very good. If that was eat together… name the time.”

“Whenever is fine for me. Tomorrow night, maybe, after working?” Uzil shrugged. “Nen, is that okay with you?”

I nodded and tried my hand in Orcish again. “Giving time for cooking. Uzil, also, airship?” I tilted my head, reminding him gently as I could that he’d neglected to answer my other question.

Sylarne nodded. “Tomorrow, then.” He looked curiously between us. I wasn’t sure whether the look was about the airships… or about the two of us. I fought to keep from coloring again.

“Of course, of course airship. Just outside Orgrimmar, Zeppelin tower. I can show you, when you decide to head back east, if you want. Free service, but the guards are a little pushy, and you may have to pose as an ambassador, or BE an ambassador, to go across… But we do have a pass you could use.” Uzil shrugged, leaving the issue open to debate.

I perked up slightly, nodded. “Yes, pass! Not needing anymore, having this!” I said, pointing at my insignia. “Airship, bestmost, very good!”

Sylarne arched an eyebrow, then gave a half nod-half bow of his head. “I do not want to impose. However, I would very much appreciate… any of what you both have said, that you are willing to offer.”

Uzil told him about the pass and how it would work, and the three of us began working on the house again. I couldn’t help the prickle across my shoulders every now and then, working between the two of them. A Quel’dorei and a Troll and I, working together to build a house… a house I would live in with the Troll. The Troll who slept in my bed, and if the Quel’dorei hadn’t figured that out, he was much more naïve than I could credit.

My discomfort made me wonder if I didn’t have a lot more work to do on my foundation than I’d originally believed.

Uzil muttered about his building efforts as he lumbered over to the edge, seating himself alongside me and gently pulling me towards him. “Least the weather is cooperative. Cool, sunny, no rain… Whatcha thinking ’bout, Nen?”

I smiled at him and leaned with his pull. “Thinking about how pretty Sun Rock is,” I answered.

He nodded and smiled. “Is a pretty place. And pretty place with huge heavy leather-covered box of rocks, now. What WAS in leather square thing?”

I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. I felt my shoulders become rigid and my spine stiffened. The question had come so out of the blue, it threw me completely for a loop. “I – I don’t – um” I stammered, trying to remember what I’d planned to say if he asked and failing utterly in the surprise of the moment.

Uzil shrugged. “Eh, just curious. Heaviest thing I brought, seemed like.” He lay back, and grinned. “Uh… didn’t think to ask…” He cautiously added, “Is… water elemental okay? I mean, also shaman thing, kinda, like jawbone and stuff…”

I blinked in surprise. “Uzil, water elementals, mages keep as minions for long time. Quel’dorei teach humans how do it. Always water elementals drifting around in Silvermoon, Dalaran… not bother me at all, make feel more at home..”

Uzil bobbed his head. “Not know about mages. Seen one on our side in the temple, but didn’t know who controlled it, just seen shaman guy over there with one around him before, so assumed…” A shrug.

“Silvermoon… I feel guilty,” I sighed, feeling a deeply unhappy ache in my chest. “Should be, like Sylarne, go there and try to help, but… guess, not such a good person, really. Too afraid.”

“Nen…” Uzil frowned. “Not… want you in danger, or throw life away for nothing… I mean…” He exhaled quickly out his nose, and tapped his fingers against his cheek for a moment before continuing. “… Look, not a bad person for being afraid, or leaving when there’s nothing left to defend, or… being hurt by past. But know what’s… happening.” He sighed before sinking slightly.

“Don’t worry, Uzil,” I said quietly. “Not throwing life away. Going to stay here with you. May be people, place still to defend… but I not can do anymore.” I sighed sadly and leaned my head against his shoulder.

“Oh.” There was an odd look on his face… I couldn’t interpret it. “Is okay, Nen. Will learn, grow, get stronger, better, help people again.”

I nodded slowly. “Decided to be Horde now, yes?” I tapped the little insignia pinned to my overalls. “Will help Horde people, if can. Just… sort of scared. Feel lost, little bit. Like not sure how I can fit in here, with people who not like me, not trust me… wonder if I abandoning people who not want to be Sin’dorei but must to stay in Silvermoon… wonder if I should be there, helping… failed there once, wonder if would always do it…” I trailed off, then shook my head and forced a smile at him. “You not have to listen to me, just being coward is all.”

“Not have to listen. Want to listen. And not always fail. Better than that, smart, strong, not coward for not committing suicide.” His arms wrapped around me and held me close. “Tell me more of what you feel?”

“Not sure what I feel, Uzil,” I said quietly, looking up earnestly into his eyes. “Feel torn in half. One hand, seeing Sylarne, talking to him… made me miss own people again, miss live Quel’dorei. Not the dead, grey ones we were in the Lodge… but active people, people trying, proud… like we were. Part of me wants to find out if any other still around. Any others going to Silvermoon, hoping for the best, hoping maybe the Sin’dorei not as bad as feared. Maybe, finally realized cannot do just anything to survive, that why they ally with Horde? Part of me hope for this. And afraid of being Horde, being here, only elf alone, learning to be someone else. Afraid of being killed for what I am, by Kaldorei or Cenarions or Orcs and Trolls and goblins. That not happen to me in Silvermoon, I think….” I sighed and lowered my head again, resting my forehead against his chest.

“But, part of me love this place. Want it to be home. Want to build this house with you and stay in it, be happy here. Be part of life, and tribe, and Horde. Be something new, like… flower coming up after winter, grow strong here, make roots here. Decide… how I feel about you, for sure. Understand myself. Want all of that. Hard to know what I want,” I finished quietly.

Uzil sat silent for a long time. “Safe here, Nen. Safe with me. But rest… I cannot help with, except to hear and understand. Wish I could do more, help you decide, but wouldn’t be right, might force you one way or another. Can only hope you happy here, with me and others.” He nuzzled his chin against the top of my head, and I heard a smilein his voice. “So, what’s leather box of rocks?”

I twitched and looked up at him again. “It… stone,” I blurted. “Like you say.”

“Oh.” A quick shift of the eyes, and he continued. “… Special stone? Like… pretty, or magical, or for cooking, or for light? Or… just not want to say?”

I flushed darkly and looked down at my hands. Well, now I’d done it. I had to either lie or be straight with him now… and I wasn’t going to lie. “Magical stone,” I murmured. “From… from dragons.”

“Okay. Like, from talking to dragons, and they give you, or one of the glowy ones up north of the cave? Want it for memoir, or some kinda power, or what? No need to be embarrassed, I carried around a happy fun rock for weeks just cause it made me happy to look at it…” He patted me gently.

“No, I…. steal it. From north, where dragon skull is. Uzil, I… I not needed mana potion really, since I move to cave. Or moonwell water or anything. I… when I found stones, was power in it. Watched that spot many time, never see anyone there, anyone using… Dragon is dead. Thinking, maybe power from stone enough to keep sickness away, like, much smaller Sunwell. I… not want to go back to worrying about potions, water… I thought, maybe not hurt anyone, I carry around with me, put where I live…”

Uzil smiled slightly, and rubbed the back of his neck. “Uh… Nen? Is okay. Really. If… if you still want it, can keep in new house, no big deal, but… think there has… been a misunderstanding…” The hand began to leave red marks from the awkward rubbing. “Erm… think… I know why not… need mana, and… and it’s, heh, it’s not the rock…”

I nodded miserably. “Can feel it, Uzil. Other elves keep sometimes, item of power, to help with pain. But rocks are so strong, much stronger than… little talisman I can carry around, enough to stop pain entirely. I think, body adjust to having less and less, and now having stone make me… awake again, all the way awake, feel better than in years. Found rocks first day, when chose cave, to live near.”

Uzil only sighed, and set his hand on mine. “Mana-sickness. Fixed by having constant external source. Like this.”

I shuddered as the mana pulsed into me, then stared. Wide-eyed and silent, feeling it work its way through me, warming me. I knew that feeling. And I knew the way my body reacted to it.

To him.

“Thought you knew. Woulda… said something. But thought you knew.” He stood before me, shifting back and forth, before squeaking out, “sorry.”

I just stared.

“I thought you knew.” Uzil slumped to the ground. “I really did. I told you, once, but maybe you… don’t remember. It was after you were hurt. I thought you knew. It’s why… I was going all shamany. So I could get better, be able to make you happier, and it was all wonderful when you knew I was doing it. But you didn’t…” Uzil curled up slightly.

I was stealing his mana.

No, he was forcing it into me.

And it made me feel so good, so alive, so…

And he was becoming a spiritual member of his tribe so he could do it more…

He said he thought I knew, that he’d told me…

Which of them had really raped the other? Him forcing the mana on me, or my body greedily drinking it up?

I felt ill.

I remembered the night I’d been so confused, so bothered, so unable to leave him alone and stop touching him that I’d had to flee into the night, had to run and run until it worked itself out… how I never felt tired with him around, just wanting to touch him and have him near, when he himself was exhausted…

I clapped a hand across my mouth. I was a monster. I’d been devouring his vital essence. Even if he was giving it to me willingly, I was a monster. My eyes felt huge and my stomach churned.

“I know. I’ve done something terrible to you. Without your consent. I just… I thought you wanted it, and it made you happy, and I… I just wanted to make you happy, Nen. I’m sorry. I guess… you really don’t… want to see me again, do you?” He turned, squeaked out a final, “Sorry,” and ran into the night.

“Uzil!” I shouted, not caring if it alarmed the town, not caring, in fact, if the guard shot me off the edge of the cliff as I leapt to her feet, almost screaming his name as the shadow swallowed him. “UZIL!”

There was a long moment when I was sure I’d lost him before the sound of him padding back gently broke the night. “I know. Not… not going to run away from… consequences-” He was cut off by a rock bouncing off his head, accompanied by someone shouting, “SHUT UP! WE’RE TRYING TO SLEEP HERE!”

I gasped and my hands flared a brilliant gold in the darkness, healing the wound before it could ooze so much as a drop of blood into his hair. Then they fell to my sides, dull and dark again. I didn’t know what to say, I didn’t know how to apologize for the… enormity of what I did, what I was. I should have let him go. Let him go, and go to Silvermoon. Not with Sylarne… he didn’t deserve to travel with me either. My eyes filled with tears.

“All this… and I am Sin’dorei, after all,” I whispered, clapping my hands over my face and shivering. I’d made Uzil into my trinket, I’d reduced a lonely young man who only wanted a friend into… into a portable mana potion. How could I ever make up for that?

“No…” Uzil shook his head, then groaned in pain. “Not… them. They take. I give, force, even. Not Sin’Dorei, Nen…” Slowly and with a weird grace, he fell to the ground, unconscious.

I could only stare in horror. That was my fault, too. My shout had done it, offended whoever had thrown the rock, and my heal failed. This was the one person I owed more than anyone else, and all I’d done is hurt him. I wasn’t worthy of the Light. I was a monster. I didn’t deserve to use it.

I turned and ran up the path into the hills, stumbling over loose stones, falling to my hands and knees more than once but getting up again, climbing up the rocky slopes. I had to go. I’d make my way back to Orgrimmar, to the airship, and if I survived the trip, I’d go…

Back to my own people. I knew now, that’s what they were.

<Nen, come back! Please, come back! I’m okay! I’m not bleeding from the head! And… You never took anything that wasn’t… freely offered. Unless… you’re, uh, running away because I’m a horrible rapist and should be killed. Then don’t come back, I guess, and… I’ll get the message.>

I stopped… digested what he’d said… put my head in my hands and started to cry. It was like the weight of the walls again, crushing me, holding me down. I could neither leave nor stay. Maybe it would be best to let him think that’s why I was leaving… but I couldn’t do that to him. Even now, I couldn’t. But I couldn’t make myself get up and go back either, couldn’t force myself to do it.

I had been so unsure, I knew I was fond of him, I knew I was attracted to him, and I hadn’t known how much of that was simply loneliness, feeling awake and alive for the first time in years. And now I found out that we’d been… feeding. Me feeding on him, and him feeding me mana. Everything was changed.

I had no idea what I felt, or why, except for the pain. That was real enough.

< I’m just… Nen, I’m confused, and you’re… hurt, I guess? I dunno. I wanted you to be happy. And now, that whole… everything, is tainted with this terrible feeling that something wrong has occurred. At least sleep for tonight at the inn, and… Well, if you’re going back… Well, I’ll just pay for a flight to Orgrimmar, and if you don’t take it, I’ll… tell the guy to consider it a gift, okay? I don’t know what’s going on anymore. But… please, come back to Sun Rock, at least for tonight. You don’t have to see me if you don’t want to. Can you find your way back? Are you in earshot? >

I didn’t answer, couldn’t answer. My mind was completely devoid of anything resembling an answer. The feeling of being torn in half certainly hadn’t gone away, if anything it was worse, but now the source had changed.

Some scuffling echoed through the hillside. Then, a soft voice, caution apparent in it, “Nen? Are you okay? Say something, please.”

Oh, I did not want this, I did not want this again. I couldn’t let this happen again. I couldn’t breathe. I tried to choke back the sobs, rubbing my bloody, gritty hands across my face, trying to stop, trying to force a breath into my body. I couldn’t let him come here and bring me back… I was a monster.

“Nen.” He was behind me, somewhere, not far. “Nen, I can’t pretend to know what you’re thinking. I hardly know what I’m thinking. I… well, I offered mana, something precious to you, and not so precious to me, freely, because I wanted you to be happy. I hated to see you… desperate. I never wanted to hurt you with it.” Something thunked into the dirt.

Suddenly, gentle, lapping waves of mana poured out of a gently glowing blue totem. “Mana doesn’t mean… well, much of anything to me, but it seemed to be so important to you. I’d seen Zuelaji toss down this totem before, a water totem enchanted to pour mana out into the world. I’d trained, because I hoped you would never have to go mana-hungry again. But I hurt you, didn’t I?” A silence. “Nen?”

“Uzil… I don’t know who I am,” I whispered. “Thought I was… better than them, that I never steal from anyone… never hurt anyone to get this… but you, I hurt you, I… see you, you exhausted, and I just… growing fat on it, this energy of you. Like monster, like leech. And… and it… make me feel… not know how I feel now, cannot tell… feel lost, scared, thought I was finding feet again and now… all built on lies!”

“Just make me a little tired,” Uzil insisted. “Less effort than I put into a typical day. Nen, you’re not leeching off of me. I… You deserve this, Nen. I make an effort, so you don’t have to worry. So you don’t have to scrimp, and scrape, and buy overpriced mana potions just to get through the night without agony. You don’t hurt me, Nen. You don’t.” His arms were around me suddenly. “You’re not a monster, Nen. You’re wonderful.”

“Don’t,” I whispered. “You not know… not know how it make me feel. I… Uzil, what if I addicted to you now? What if I just here with you because I need to? What if only think have feelings – for Troll, for old enemy – because mana fooling me, making me feel… good and warm, but would I be here if it not there? How I supposed to know? How you supposed to know? You, at least you know your feelings, you have clear. You… deserve better, someone who knows.”

Uzil smiled sadly. “Was… thinking the same thing. You deserve better, Nen, not some crazy savage child beast who’ll be gone in a blink of your eye. Earlier, so afraid you would… leave, to Silvermoon, with Sylarne. Scared to lose you, Nen. Grown fond. Not… going to keep you here, but… maybe you could stay? Find out, before make a decision?”

I lifted my head, blinking at him. “Sylarne…? Uzil… I… Troll seem more… hasty about love than I used to… much more, hearing about Hakka and Tabi and Kaldorei and now me… but Uzil… I not like that. I… ‘Riva and I see each other, evenings, for year before he come home, dinner with my parents. Six years before we sleep together. Fifteen years, still would not marry him. I not hasty like that. Just met Sylarne, Uzil. I know, hastier with you than ever was with ‘Riva…” for whatever reason, I added in my head but did not say, “and maybe that make bad impression. But not going to hop to other man just… like that. Sad you think I would.”

Uzil shook his head. “Not think you would, scared you would. Fear doesn’t mean thinking. And… Why so hasty with me? I put pressure on you, or something?” He furrowed his brow. “Not… try to. Try not to even touch you unless you started, until thought it was safe…”

I flushed, lowering my head. “Not know, Uzil. Thought about it. Could be just… alone, feel need to have companion, lonely and not want to be lonely anymore. Or grateful, so grateful you save me, give me new life. Maybe feel life come back to me, not caged, not live in grey anymore, and just… overreact. Or… maybe strange elf fall in love with strange Troll. These all things I worried about, confused about, when we talk in Sun Rock. Now… now have to add, maybe mana feeding. Maybe all, maybe some, maybe none. How I untangle this?” I asked with a soft note of despair.

Uzil sighed. “Not going to find out freezing to death in the mountains… Maybe come back to the inn, talk there, think there, not have head on a swivel looking out for Goblins, spiders, Night Elves, Cats, Basilisks, Treants, Harpies… you get the idea. Not quite safe at night, outside of town.” Uzil slowly stood, his arms still wrapped around me, but loosely and hesitantly, allowing me to shake him off if I wished.

I stood with him, feeling defeated and bruised. I’d thought – how laughable – that I knew myself, at least a little. Then I stole that tablet. And now this. Was it wrong to take what he wanted to give? Wasn’t that love? If I knew how it made me feel, did it have to confuse me? It was a physical feeling, and they were nice, but they didn’t have to mean love, or even fondness. I hadn’t loved, or been confused that I’d loved, anyone else I’d slept with in the past 7 years. I went along with Uzil silently, still unsure it was right to do so.

We walked in silence through the shadows, his arm over me, holding me gently against him. Finally, he spoke. “If… if you ever want to leave – If you ever decide it’s best to leave… Just… tell me first. Please. And… here.” He thrust a handful of gold upon me, looking the other way. “I don’t want you to feel trapped, okay? So here’s a route out, if you decide not to stay. I hope you won’t take it, but I’ll understand if you do.” His voice broke slightly, and he slammed his jaw shut. “I don’t know much, about love, or relationships, but I enjoy your company, Nen.”

I shook my head, not touching the gold. Hadn’t I stolen enough from him? “No, Uzil. I take enough from you already. Trapped I feel cannot go away with gold. Trapped because, cannot bear to think of hurting you, cannot leave because… cannot do that. Promised I would not leave. Promised to keep you company, right?” I smiled faintly. “Maybe a monster, and thief, not a liar I hope.”

“Can’t steal what’s freely offered. And adorable monster, if any kind.” The gentle glow of a fire became apparent, and the gruff greeting of an orc guard broke the silence. Uzil’s face, lit by the guard’s fire, grinned happily. “Probably need to sleep when we get back…”

I winced slightly, and whispered, “…sorry. I take more? Or just from giving earlier?” I felt an enormous swell of self-loathing. Was I taking energy from him without even realizing it, now?

Uzil blinked. “No…. just… work on house all day, and have long day of carrying and fetching tomorrow. Normal working-tired. And don’t need to worry about mana-tired, because I have TOTEMS TOTEMS TOTEMS! Also frostshock, but that’s more of a tradition thing, and is actually not mana efficient at all. But mostly, totem.” A reassuring nod. “You’re not… taking anything, Nen. I’m giving. You’re free to take if you need it, but prefer to give, if not an emergency…”

I nodded pensively. “If you… need sleep, I… try and be quiet,” I said softly. “Need to… understand, Uzil. Confused… and… want to know what between us. Need to know.”

“Don’t need sleep. Don’t really want sleep. Just… doubt you want to… ‘have fun’, after such a… stressful night…” He blushed slightly. “And what’s between us? Both of us trying to help each other, feelings that may be based on the exchange of a mystical energy that I generate and you need, a slightly sweaty workshirt, a foot of air, and too much clothing on you.” An embarrassed wink ensured the joke fell flat.

I followed him up the ramp to the inn room, looking at him and feeling both tired and solemn. “Don’t know. Maybe we should.”

“Sleep? Okay.”

“…not what I meant,” I said quietly, sitting on the edge of the bed and watching him seriously. “Maybe talking not give me the answers I need.”

Uzil stopped. “… Without mana. Just… to see? To be together?” His voice carried a hint of fear mixed with the eagerness of youth. “O-okay…” He tentatively paced over and kneeled, peering up into my eyes.

I nodded slowly, both desperation and fear beating in my breast as I slowly combed my fingers through his hair. “Maybe, think too much, talk too much,” I said. “Maybe, I try and hide and ride along. Maybe, need to make a decision, maybe… need to be hasty.” I leaned forward, hesitated for a moment, then kissed him.

Uzil joined the kiss, but as it broke he pulled away slightly. “Just… know what you’re doing, Nen. Okay to be fast. Not okay to be hasty, implies…” a kiss broke the statement in two, “… a lack of preparation. You have all the time in the world to decide…” a finger traced up my spine, over my shoulder, up to my cheek. “… and I said I would wait until you were SURE you were ready.” Uzil’s head tilted slightly.

I shook my head, sliding forward, putting my arms around his neck. “Wait forever if you do that,” I said. “I go back and forth forever, too scared to make choices. Not want to think anymore,” I muttered, squeezing my eyes shut and kissing Uzil again, more emphatically this time.

“Nen.” Uzil broke the kiss, pulling back almost angrily, though his breathing had the weight of arousal. “Not too scared to make choices. And don’t… want you to regret this one.” His eyes looked pleading for a brief moment before he surrendered. With a raging passion, he returned the kiss, seemingly with his whole body, springing up and pushing me back onto the bed. I locked my hands together behind his neck. If it was a choice, I was making it, and I didn’t want to think about it.

“Don’t regret me,” he murmured into my ear. It wasn’t as bad as I was afraid it would be. I was excited, by his hands across my skin as he peeled my shirt open. By the hot puff of air along my neck when he nuzzled his face into my hair. By the contact of our disparate flesh pressed together, arms and legs brushing against one another and tangling. By the enormous muscular shoulders poised above me. Even without the mana, it was sweet.

Until he stopped. Pulled back. Until I opened my eyes and saw fear in his. Until he drew away, leaving my skin cold where he had been pressed, and I tightened my fingers in the muscles of his shoulder, trying to draw him back to me. “Don’t…”

I looked away. Dropped my hands and crossed them over my chest. Squeezed my eyes shut, feeling the shame burn through me as hot as desire had. “I won’t,” I whispered, shivering slightly. “It all right, Uzil. Okay.”

He rolled away, tangling briefly in my legs again until he pushed away and crouched at the edge of the bed. “I… I… it… Sorry… I just c-can’t. It’d… I can’t.” I felt him withdrawing, coolness replacing warmth.

“Uzil…? You… leaving?” I sat up and reached one hand out to him in the dark. “Sorry, not mean for it to be like this.” My eyes stung. “Not have to leave, I’ll… I’ll dress, sleep over here on edge. Not mean to push, Uzil.”

His hand reached back and grasped mine, gripping at it fearfully. “It’s okay. It’s okay. I just… I’m scared, Nen. And I was about to…” He looked over his shoulder, working his jaw, saying nothing.

A tiny whimper escaped my throat. Back in the cave, I’d known this. He was afraid of me. He’d only gone through with this as far as he had to placate me so I wouldn’t abandon him, and even for that, he couldn’t bear to… to… I squeezed my eyes shut again, tears trickling out onto my ears. Why wouldn’t he be afraid? I’d been sucking the life out of him for weeks. No telling what I’d have done if they’d gone through with it. I squeezed his hand and tried to breathe very quietly.

“Nen…” A deep, tidal breath. “Nen, it’s not you. I mean…” Another. “Nen,” Silence. “I won’t hurt you. I said I wouldn’t hurt you, and I won’t hurt you.” He turned, stretched out against me, pulling me to his chest and wrapping his arms around me.

I nodded against his shoulder, smearing tears across his skin and not believing a single word. It was me. He was afraid of me. “Not leaving, Uzil. It’s okay. Don’t have to say anything. Not mean to push you, so sorry… should have remembered. Just… elf and Troll, not meant for this I guess. Now, not have to wonder. It okay.” I felt ill, physically ill.

I supposed I had my answer after all. I wouldn’t hurt this badly if I didn’t actually care, would I? I felt… empty.

Again, he shook his head. “Nen, you didn’t… push me. It… I love you, Nen, I just don’t want to have to… hurt you to prove it. Please, understand.”

“Don’t have to prove anything,” I said. “Already knew you loved me, Uzil. This was for me. Sorry, didn’t… didn’t mean to.” It was for me. It was a selfish, selfish thing to do, and I should have known better.

“Nen…” He kissed my forehead. “Still want to… try again, someday. Would… enjoy, just, not ready, Nen, I wasn’t, and was afraid you weren’t, and… Nen, maybe… someday. Please?”

I set my fingers across his lips. I couldn’t bear to have him lying about this again, it was breaking my heart. “Maybe,” I murmured, knowing that it meant nothing but that he’d think he had to be afraid of this again. He wouldn’t. I wouldn’t ask this again. I would find other ways to make him happy. I wouldn’t do this to him again. “Shh, okay, Uzil.” We could sleep together at least, chaste as lambs, and the warmth of that would be enough. I let my eyes close.